Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh From God- The SMACK-DOWN!
by Imagination is king
Summary: Think this is cliched? Well screw you! Join four heroes as they battle the evil witch called Sara! Will they survive the horrible spelling? The racism? The homophobia? Of course they will, we got words coming out rapid fire!
1. Scarring

**WELCOME TO-**

**Narrator: Already did that!**

**DAMN IT!**

**Regardless, welcome to Smash comedy month! AKA, April! So, this guy, called SmashKing24, says that this is Smash Comedy month, so, yeah!**

**Narrator: How popular is this guy, seriously? We try that, some weirdo will put up porn or something.**

**Anyway, I've decided to do a commentary! On what? **

**Narrator: Read the title.**

**Joining me on this epic, we have Narrator.**

**Narrator: The best one!**

**Sure. And Imagi and Lucina, the Blueberry OC, and the SVPD Cop, respectively.**

**Imagi: Do I get paid?**

**Lucina: Ditto.**

**No. And no smoking!**

**Lucina: Come on!**

* * *

**Summary**

Sara was a normel girl until she went to nentendo world to save. My firts story ples revew. **(Me:Oh we're gonna do more than that. Lucina: She does know what AutoCorrect is right?)**Barek Obema and teh libruls**(Imagi:Libruls? Me: It gets worse...)**on delated thes so im putin it her.

* * *

**Notes**

Hi my name is Sara (not Palin unfortanetly**(Narrator: Who? Me: Some female Alaskan Governer.)**) and im a 13 yearold girl who loves America and God and the Constantution so i librul soshalist who likes barrack obama than LEAVE NAO and go back too getting wefare for noting**(Me: THAT'S CALLED SOCIAL SECURITY YOU D*CK! Lucina: She seems pleasant. Imagi: No sh*t Mrs. Sherlock.) **and trying to turn every1**(Narrator: That's just lazy!)** into gay athists also I lik video games like supper smash bras**(Narrator: I could be crude here, but...)** and otters**(Me: There's a video game about otters? YES!)** even thou im a gril**(Imagi: Then start cooking me a hanburger!)** (my mom sad id turn a les if I play video game but I put pics of jaykob from twilit and juston beber in my room so idont).**(Me: My English teacher would kill you for a run-on sentence like that... Lucina: I take offense to the video game = Lesbian statement. My niece loves playing video games! Imagi: You're an aunt? Lucina: Yep.)**

* * *

**CHAP 1: MISSON FORM GOD**

**(Me: Wow. Four words in, and she's already screwing up. I mean, what the f***. MISSON FORM GOD? The hell does that even mean?)**

* * *

I was in my seance class**(Imagi: Summon a Gengar so he can make you brain dead with Dream Eater. Lucina: Would there even be a difference? Narrator: Oh snap!)** one dat when my librul teacher mr jonson was talkin about evilusion**(All: What.)**. "an tat is why humins came form monkees and their is no god**(Narrator: Unnecessary proof of evilness is unnecesary.)**" he said. I razed my han.d**(Imagi: Ouch.)**"yes Sara" he said. "if humin came from monkees why r their still monks**(Me: Buddhism.)**" my teacher had no anser for that so he give me a ditention and an f on my test**(Imagi: When the f*** were you taking a test?!)**. "hahaha!" he sad**(Lucina: He's stuck with you. Of course he's sad.)** "you Christens wil be defeet**(Narrator: Will that be Size 10 or Size 11, Mr. Christian?)** on day! athests alreedy rule dis cuntry becuz of obama car**(Me: What is that, the Batmobile for Obama?)** and son all Christens will goto deaf panells!" just then the door toteh science room opened and God walked in**(Lucina: Uh, how long have you been there, and what were you doing?)**. he was waring a rob**(Narrator: NO! You were my favorite R.O.B.!)** and had a bread like he allways does**(Imagi: But was it French, or Pumpernickel?)**. "mr jonson ur gong too HELL!" "no cuz u arnt reel"**(Lucina: He's right in front of you jackass!)** mr jonson said. "lol**(Me: God says Lol?)** ur a moran" God said and he stroked**(Me: Who thought of God giving him a sexuality-questioning massage? [Everyone raises there hands.])** mr jonson with lighting and mr jonson ded**(Narrator: As everyone probably wants you Sara. Dead.)**. "yay!" said all the Christens in the class. "boo!" said the Heatrans so God stroked all them to**(Me: [Checks on his Heatran.] Nope, we're good. Hephaestus is Ok.)**. "ok now I nead too talk too Sara God said. "so everbuddy**(Me: Buddy! Narrator: Touch me and I will shank your ass.)** else leave." "ok" my classmates left the room. "Sara Osborne**(Me: THAT explains it. She's related to the Green Goblin!)** ive bean watching u for sum time**(Lucina: Stalker God, Stalker God, does every thing a stalker can!)**," he sad**(Narrator: Why not?)**, "this world isnt the only on I mad**(Me: Ok, Metroid has been in a rut dude, but still...)**." "for real" I ask. "yea do u no about video games." "yea I play them with my bro and Lauren" (my bro is my brother and Lauren is my BFF forever and shes a PCC**(Imagi: I thought that said PCP for a second. Lucina: Would explain a whole lot.)** (Pretty Consertative Christen) like me to) "well they are real because when u play the nother unevirse I made" "cool God" I hi fived God**(Me: She did not. Narrator: She did.)**. "ok but theres treble**(Narrator: Because you know I'm all about that base, about base, no treble! Lucina+Imagi: 0.0)**Satan found out about this and now hes in Nentendo World. Only u can stop him b4 he dose evil stuff **(Me: Wow, God. So descriptive...) **their." "oh no.**(Lucina: Her response to multiple people being possibly killed? "Oh no." Not even a damn exclamation point!)**" "right this is the hardest thing u ever done even harder than ur math test last month**(Imagi: Because math is obviously second in difficulty to saving an entire universe from Satan!)**. God thing i'm God and I can give u cool powers and stuff**(Lucina: Please tell me 'stuff' includes poison.) **so God gave me some power and I fell to sleep.**(All: Yes!)** When I woke up**(All: DAMN IT!) **I was outside of the Smosh Manshon!**(Narrator: I believe you have the wrong mansion. Go away.)**

* * *

**How was it?**

**Lucina: Allow me to put it like this. If there isn't a food bar when we next do this, you will die.**

**Got it. -_-'**

* * *

**I IZ TEH BUNNY DRAGON! REVIEW OR DIE BY CUDDILING!**

**Imagi: Why do you keep him?**

**Narrator: He's popular with the ladies, and he makes a excellent attraction.**


	2. F--- YOU!

**Where's Lucina?**

**Narrator: She has an actual paying job.**

**Imagi: Unlike you.**

**Well f***. And I got her a food cart. Oh well. (Pulls out cell and dials Samus.) Yo, get over here.**

* * *

First of all whats a troll?**(Imagi: It's official. She dum.)** I men I think I fot sum in a game b4 but there not in my story so why did you mention them in the revew. And whats a mary sue**(Me: I need a four part harmony alright? You are... Samus: You **_**are...**_** Narrator: **_**You are...**_** Imagi:**_** You are... **_**All: **_**You are...!**_**)**? And my mom and dad sad that I need to spred the truth of God's word on the intranet**(Me: Keep telling yourself that.)** and speak out aganst the soshalists destroying America.

Also I didnt updaty yesterday becuz my family thought that their woud be the raptor**(Imagi: Where were you, Jurassic Park?) **Lauren said their woudnt and she was rite so I gess that provs who smart she is.**(Samus: No, your family's just a bunch of idiots.)**

* * *

CHAP 2: SARA MEATS CHARECTERS

**(Samus: The f***? Me: If she touches Yoshi, I will rip her a very big new one.)**

the smash mantian was a really big hose with like a gatrillion romos**(Narrator: Not a real number. Also, the f*** is a romos?)** an was alota stories tall I was inteminated by who big it was. Suddenly someon came.**(Imagi: Don't make me say it... Please.) **It was like a robot except a person was in it. **(Me: Uh, Samus? Samus: Yeah? Me: Please stay calm. Samus: Why?)**"hai their pretty gurl" the robot person said. **(Imagi: He's got balls. Narrator: True dat.) **"u think im pretty" I saod. **(Samus: No he's talking to the turtle that's in front of you.) **"yea ur the hotist gurl ive ever sean."**(Imagi: He seriously must want it. Me: Um, about that.) **I thought it was Mister Chef from Hallo but it wasnt but I didnt no that so I cloded my eyes an mad out with robot person but when I open them its not Mastre Cheef but SAMAS ERIN!**(Samus+Narrator+Imagi: THE F******************?! Me: Don't destroy my house... Samus: I'M GONNA KILL THAT **************** WITH A ******** THAT'S BEEN ********* ON BY A ******* PIG THAT ********** HER MOTHER! Imagi: The f***.)** "hahahhaha I triked u in too thikning I was a dud but im a girl" samas said.**(Me: Was it worth it, totally evil Samus? Was it really?) **"why do u do these! I liek guys nit girls ima Christen!" I shooted.**(Samus: That's waht I'm gonna do to you b****!) **"BECAUSE IMA LESBAN!" Samas said**(Imagi: No need to shout, we've got the real Samus doing that for you.)** "anf im a antithesis**(Me: The f** is that? The opposite of math?) **so I want u 2 goto hell for bein gay like me."**(Imagi: EHH! Athiests do not believe in heaven or hell. The word you're looking for is Satanist.) **than Samas tred too rap**(Me: Because I feel like a Rap God, Rap- [Samus Punches him in the face.] Samus: STFU! I'm a rapist now as well!)** me she took of my shirt (I had my bra under so I wasnt tipless**(Samus: WHO THE F*** GIVES A S*** YOU B****!) **adn my shirt**(Narrator: Already did it.)** which had pantees under it so I still wasnt nakid.**(Samus: F*** you.) **"no help!" I screemed. Lucklily Link and Math and Icke**(Me: You b****.)** wear nearbye so they git hoarses and ran up and came b4 iy was to late.

"stop been a gay librul Samas" Icke said.**(Imagi: Free country douchebag! Samus: I will kill you. Imagi: Yes Maam.) **"yea wereman and your a women so lissen to us" Link said.**(Samus: F*** YOU.) **"but im a lesban so im a femanast and im not gonna lissen to u" Samas said. She taked of my shoes next.**(Narrator: The f*** do her shoes matter for?) **They were fancy hi-hells from goosepy zanaty that cast my mom $2000.**(All: [Spittake.] Me: I COULD GET A WII U AND A PLAYSTATION 4 WITH THAT MUCH MONEY YOU B****!)** butthan Marth grabed Samas with his hercule arms**(Imagi: Marth? That guy can't lift a table!)** and through her in teh moot **(Imagi: We have a moot?)**off the manshan. "r u ok" he asked. He kissed my hand romanticly.**(All: [Gives her the Bird.]) **"yea sorry I mad u do that"** (Samus: DO IT TO HER!)**

"its ok Samas is a librul so she hadit cumin" March said. I looked into his eyes. He was like if the looks of Jaykob and Juston Beeber were combined with the genus of Sean Hanety and Ross Limbog.**(Narrator: Who the f***? Me: I don't know.)** Expect he had blue hare. My hare was long and bland and really petty.**(Imagi: The f*** does that matter? It's like going "He's made of Ice cream. Choclate is my favorite flavor!") **"u hat libruls to" I asked.**(Narrator: BECAUSE THE PLOT DEMANDS IT.)**

"yea me and Link and Icke r all borne-agen Christens" Marth said.**(Me: And with that, a part of Miyamoto died.)** "cool can I meat everyone els" I sad.**(Samus: Hahahaahahah. F*** no.)** "ok" **(Samus: Son of a B****!)** so I climed on Marth's hoarse and rod too the manshan and went in side. In the manshan I met other Christens like Peach and Zelda and Ton Link and Pit and Nas and Luckas and Kerby and King Deedee and the Maryo bros (Mary and Lugia) and Sonec and Sold Snape, who was Marth's father (I dont think he was Marths father ibn the gam but wouldnt it be cool if he was)**(Me: F*** you.)** and Clod Strafe and the real Master Chef (those 2 werent in smash bros for some resin but there in this**(Narrator:Because everyone wants Geno, not him, and because Microsoft, respectively. So, in other words, F*** you.)**). But their were also libruls like Bowser and Ganandorf and Waro and Donky Khan and Diddy and Metal Nite and Picachoo**(Me: It's called Arceus. I'm calling her now!)** and Pacman Tranner and the other Pacmans and Wolf and Fux Mcledo and Falcon and Captan Falco (who was Samas boyfrend b4 they both turd gay from a govermint vaksine**(Narrator: Bulls*** reasoning is bulls***.)**). I new I had my work cut out for me.**(Samus: WHY THE F*** WOULD WE WANT YOU HERE?!)**

* * *

**Luckily, that was the end of the chapter. I think Samus will blow up my house if there was more...**

**Samus: I need to shred something. NOW.**

**Imagi: (Hands her a pillow.)**

**Samus: RRRRAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!**

**Narrator: That was my pillow though. :(**


	3. HE'S NOT YOUR SON!

**Ah, Lucina, you're back!**

**Lucina: Why though? T.T**

**Because. :)**

* * *

**Notes**

Stop atecking my storey!**(All: No.)** God will juge u when u dye and if u insult Christens tehn he will send u too Hell**(Imagi: Oh, yeah? Then let him strike me with lightning now! (Gets hit by lightning.) HA! You'll have to do better you bastard!)**! And thanks 2 the people who said nice things.**(Lucina: Who are they? I wanna shoot them. Me: Lucina, put the gun down.)**I no u will goto Haven. Also I no that Samas is a lesbain becuas when I firts playted I only saw her in amour soi thought she was a hot guy but then I usde her finale smash and fond out she was a gurl**(Me: DID YOU NOT PLAY A METROID GAME BEFORE? I MEAN COME ON LADY!)**. I had to star at my pics off justan beber and jayncob 4 even longer then I usuely do wen Lauren comes over 2 kep me strait.**(Imagi: Somehow, I don't think that's how it works, especsially since we have evidence from a certain Lauren saying well, this.**

* * *

**Yes, I'm that Lauren. I can't say I blame you people for putting me in this fanfic like this. Honestly, the one chance I had to add my own input into Sara's fanfic, I spent the whole chapter making excuses for her (that was Chapter 32 of Sara's story). Well, I'm not sure if you noticed that she stopped writing her sequel after one chapter, and there's a reason for that. I broke up with her (yea, I'm sure it surprises no one that we were "secretly" dating). I just got fed up with her bullshit (excuse my language). **

**Of course the minute I did that Sara started accusing me of pretending to be her friend for NINE YEARS so that I could use "lesbian mind control powers" to turn her away from God. Of course, only Sara's family was stupid enough to believe that, but now that everyone knows I like girls I get a lot of mean looks. I thank God that my own family still loves me, and I still have some friends (Becky, the one that Sara makes fun of constantly in her story, is one of them. She ran the scoreboard at the basketball games last year and my mom would drive her home sometimes when both of her parents had to work, so we were friends even before Sara and I broke up).**

**Also, Mr. Johnson was one of my favorite middle school teachers. If someone showed him Sara's fanfic, he'd probably just laugh at how Sara made him look rather than get mad about it. He'd probably be mad about Sara making fun of Becky, since he doesn't like that kind of bullying. Even if you want me to stay a villain in this story (I'll admit I kind of deserve it for how much I defended Sara in my one chapter and how I was dumb enough to think that just because she was pretty meant that she had to be a good person deep down and not like her family), please make Mr. Johnson turn out to secretly helping out the side of good (the real side you good. You people and Master Hand and the non-brainwashed Smashers) or something.**

**And Sara's brother Josh is probably one of the most horrible people I've ever met (worse than Sara, easily). He basically has all the awful opinions Sara does, but he's also a muscleheaded asshole who thinks he's God's gift to women. The one time I had the displeasure of talking with him since I broke up with Sara, he told me that I should have sex with him because I need a "real man" to "fix" me (In case you don't know, he turned twenty recently (he was a senior in high school last year because he had to repeat fourth grade once) while I won't be fifteen until January). When I said no, he called me the n-word (because I'm 1/4 black, which I brought up in the chapter of Sara's story that I wrote) and the c-word and then blew smoke from his cigarette in my face before walking away.**

**I just figured I'd clear some things up and give you people some accurate info, since Sara's not exactly the best source for that. If anyone has anymore questions, I'll try to answer them in another review.**

* * *

**Imagi: So we won't be banging on Lauren too much.)**

**Me: That was quite the chunk of words. Meh. To the chapter!**

* * *

CHAP 3: HE FINALLE SMASH

**(Narrator: Sadly, not ****the**** finale. We got a lot more to cover here.)**

the next day I was in my first mach of my carer.**(Imagi: When the hell? She's gotta sign a ton of legal bulls*** to do that! I know, it took like, forever!)** It was Me and Zelda fitting Bowzer and Falcor.**(Me: They sound like either really awesome Skeletor goons, or really dumb ones.)** We were the rad**(Lucina: No.)** tem becuase were consercativs and they wear the blu tem becuas they wer libruls.**(Me: Sure. Let's go with that.)** I was waerinmg a pretty red dress that everone expect the libruls complamented me on**(Lucina: Spoiler Alert: It's because you still look ugly, b****!)**. Boozer keeped breathing firs at us an Falco shat lazors form his gum. Zelda turne dinto Shrek**(Narrator: Because Shrek is love, and Shrek is life. Me: Not gonna complain about how she looks like a guy and then b**** about her **_**obvious**_** lesbanism?)** and throw needs at Boozer and hit hem wiht a chan. Son bowsar was defet. Ten Falcor git a smash bell and sumoed a gina tank call a lendmaster**(Me: I wanna drive! Imagi: No, me! Narrator: F*** you two, I get to! Lucina: Men...)** and shat**(Me: MY EYES! Narrator: She means shot. Me: Oh.)**Zelda so she flyed of and loosed. I thout I was domed butthen I herd Gods vois.**(Lucina: God, pull some bulls*** and I will-)**"Sara! Remamber the powerz I give u at scool." I used on of the powers that God gav me and I insanely had my finale smash. I actived it and it cussed me to turn into an angle. I used my holly powers to stroke down the lendmaster and defete Falco.**(Lucina: F***!) **"this gams winer: rad tema" the narater said.**([Everyone looks at Narrator.] Narrator: What?!) **When I laft the fit**(Me: What.) **Mart hwas waiting for me. "OMG! that was amazon**(Lucina: That's a river you dumb motherf***er.)**! I nerver seen someone us a finale smash withotu a smash ball b4!**(Imagi: Let me put it to you like this. BECAUSE. IT'S. F***ING. IMPOSSIBLE.)**" he said. "Its because of the powers God gave me."**(Narrator: No, It's because of Mary-Sue bulls***.) **"Cool. Now me and my dad**(All: HE'S NOT THE FATHER.) **are fitting Samas and Wario." Greet! Ill wach" I said. So tghe next fit began and Marth and Snake are the red team and Samas and Warop were ther blue team. Samas saw I was washing so she tred to deduce me with her lucius lips and huge beasts**(Me: Oh my god- someone get my shotgun, I need some target practice.)** but I was strate so it didnt work and Mark hit her with his sord while she was distrected and his dad threw gonads at her. She got blowed up and lots a stack. "Samas! Get ur had in the game! Present brock obana wode want us to kill all Christens," Waryo said.**(All: [Casually gives her the bird.]) **"Rite" Samas said. She ataked Marth and Snake. Son everybuddy only had on stack left. Wart rain tords Snack and het him with a motosicle. He flowed off and explode. "Father! NO!"**(Imagi: He's not dead numbnuts.) ** Matt said. He ran at Waryo with is sore. "Ate hem!" Samasa sad. "I cant im a librul vogon now so ican only eat vegetas.**(Imagi: Kakarot! Narrator: Now we have entered the is it bull? YES! Zone.)**" Waryo said. So Waryo was lose. It was a on-and-on fit betwine Samas and Marth. "give it up Samas u no libruls cant won." "never! BY THE POWAR OF LORD SANTA**(Me: [Starts playing metal version of We Wish You A Merry Christmas.] Imagi: Slay the goat so we may make a sacrifice to Lord Santa!)** I SHALL BANESH U TOO SUBSPAS WORLD!" then a porthole openend an sucked.**(Lucina: Random period is random.)** Math into subspas. The fite was over. The libruls had won. "wat did u do 2 my sun!**(Imagi: B**** THE SUN MINE!)**" Snake said wen the match was over and marth didnt come back. "Ill never tell!" Samas said.**(Lucina: B-but, you just shouted it into what are probably loudspeakers...)** She blowed me a kiss (witch I dogged**(Lucina: Yay.)**) and waked away. I was worred when Marth didnt come back. He still wasnt back for the tee party relay**(Me: The f*** is that?)** so I went with Clod Strafe insted. When I went to sleeped at nite I preyed for marth. Then I lacked the widows and doors so Samas couldnt rap me**(Me: OH MY- BWAHAHAHAHHA! Narrator: What's so funny? Me: I just thought of Samus rapping 'Rock a' Bye Baby'!)** wile I sleeped. That nite I had horble nitmars**(Narrator: More dangerous than either knitting of Mars, it's a KnitMars!)** that Math was farced too have gay sax with Satin and Bark Obameh**(Lucina: Remeber Ladies, next time you wear a satin dress and sit near a tree, you may be f***ed!)**. It was the scurrest thin ever!**(All: Look in a mirror.)**

* * *

**Lucina: I'm gonna kil her.**

**WAIT!**

**All: What?!**

**In two more chapters, you, along with anyone who reviews, will be able to kill Sara.**

**Imagi: For good?**

**Probably not.**

* * *

**That means if you put a review with the following Criteria, you will be able to take a shot at Sara!**

***Pokemon or Human?**

***Weapon of choice**

***What you'll do(Be descriptive)**

* * *

**All: Buh-Bye!**


	4. WE HAVE CAKE!

**WELCOME TO ZE NEXT CHAPTER!**

**Pit: Hello.**

**Samus: WHY AM I HERE YOU C-**

* * *

Mary CHRIS**(Narrator: We get it. You're a douche at christmas parties when Sexy Santa shows. Pit: OH S***!)**mes Eev everbuddy! I hop the pepole who sad gopd thins abot my storey get what they want and the pepool who said bed thins donut**(Me: DONUT!)**. Hopfully ican finish anutter chaptar 2morow**(Samus: DON'T!)** but its CRISmos (NOT HAPY HOLDAYS LIBRULS) and I hav stuf with my famaly and then ill spend the knight at Laurens hose were well chang in2 are new close 4 each otter (I cant wate. Im shur shell be riley pritty**(Pit: Totally not a lesbian.)**).

* * *

CHAP 4: THE SERCH 4 MATRH

**(Samus: LEAVE THE DUMB B**** TO ROT!)**

the next day all off the Christens in the Manshon were locking for maerth. He was still not back from were Samas put him**(Narrator: BECAUSE HE'S NOT THERE!)**. I preyed and preyed that we woud found him but he was nowere near the manshon. I new I had to confont Samas about were Marth was**(Me: F*** THIS DUMB B****!) **but I new she woud try 2 rap me agen if I came along so I bringed Clod and Sonec and Maryo with me. Samas wasin bad with 4 womens and they were kissing and dong it to each otter.**(Pit: But they were g- Samus: YOU F********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* WITH A CLOYSTER! Narrator: Damn...)** "discussing!**(Me: [Adjusts Glasses] Now back to the matter of Red Shell production taxes for Mario Kart 8.)**" Maryo vomated. "stop it Samas!" Sonec said. "girls sholdnt do that 2 otter girls**(Pit: Not in Japan. The weird part.)**!" Clod said. "Sara! U must jonus and be gay**(Narrator: WE HAVE CAKE! :D)**!" Samas and the otter lesbamns said. "No! Im ten trillian percant strait!" I shatted.**(Me: First, gross. Second, the higher of a percent, the less you are. BOOM, some math for your b**** *ss!)** "ok then well gagrap u into been gay!" Samas and the other lesbans got outta bad. Clod pulled out his gina sore and smucked**(Narrator: Oh, they make good peanut butter!)** a lesban with it. She flyed out the widow. Then Maryo shat furballs at anotter lesban and she burst into fame. They Sonce rolled into a bill to defete another one and I used my unbettable marital arts on the other one. Samas was bye herself.**(All: Bye have a beatiful time!)** "tellus were Marth is!" I smacked her.**(Pit: God b****, this ain't the Real Housewives Of Smashville, calm yourself!)** "No!" Samas said. I started stroking her with lighting**(Me: Creepy massage? The rest: Yeah. Yep. Pit: I feel dirty now!** from my fingers like in Stair Was becuz one of the powers God gave me was tobe a yeti with the forc.**(Samus: B****, Yoda and Darth Vader coming to kick yo' a**!)** "Tell us now!" "NECAR!" Samas said.**(Narrator: Nascar?)** "Stop Sara ur 2 powerful if u keep atecking Samas shell die and than well never fond math!"**(All: F*** you. Samus: Like I'm gonna die to Ms. B**** here!)** Sonec said. I new he had a pint**(Me: Dibs.)** so I stapped using lighting on Samas. We had 2 find someone eels who could find Marth. I preyed that God wood show me were Mart was. "Sara! Mark is in Subspas!" I herd God say.**(Narrator: I do believe I hear a plot device!)** "Thanks God!" I sad back.**(Me: [Pretending to be God.] Now go before I smite your a**!)** "Were is Marth" Maryo said. "Hes in Subspas!" I said. "Oh no how did u no!" Samas sad. Clod hit her with his sord to knack her unconshus.

"Not Subspas that place is terryfine!" Clod said.**(Pit: Um, dude? You killed Sephiroth, and if you weren't scared of that, the f*** is Subspace? It's just a light show, The Great Maze, and that douche Tabuu.)** "But we havto Marth is in treble!" I said. "Well ned more people Snoop**(Me: We need that show where they determine wheteher he's the father or not, because this bulls*** is getting old.)** will want 2 cum too save his son and Lonk and Ick are Marth's beast pals. Zolta an Pech shuld came to and also Kerby and my bro Luweegee and Pete cuz hes an angle**(Pit: But probably not the... RIGHT, one? [Gets punched through a wall by the author.)**" Maro said. So we get everbuddy adn goto Subspas to fine Marth. In Subspas were insanely atecked by Subspas stuff but we beet them. Then we find Master Han and Crazy Hanes. "Whatter u dong her" Mister Hans said.**(Me: Oh, you know, just chilling, enjoying the non-existant sun. THE F*** DOES IT LOOK LIKE?!)** "Weve cum 2 find Marth" I said. "No Sara u will dye!" Crazy Ham said. He tred to pinch me but I puled out my dads shitgun (its one of my specal movs no that im a smasher) and shat him until he ded.**(Me: He wasn't long. Also, ew.)** Than I did the sam to Master Hemp. "Well dun but Marth is still mine" Tatu leder of Subspas came.**(Narrator: The images, the fanfiction, it's too much...)**"ILL KILL U!" I said. I tred too shat him but he took my gum away b4 I cold. "Ha! U shuld no im a librul so I allways take teh gins away!" He said. I was rite I shuld have nown that.**(Samus: Because that's what you instantly think!)** I tred my lighting buthe bloked it. Tehn I tred all my otter atecks. "who r u dong this" I aked "my powers cum form GOD!" "yes wile mine come from Satin**(Narrator: He can make you feel incredibly smooth!)**." "Bit Santana is weeker then God!" "Yes but im alos the antichris!"**(Samus: What did Chris do?!)** "how r u relly" I said.**(Me: Well, I've been near you for $ chapters now, so I think I have blood poisoning.)** So Taboo roped of his musk and reveled that he was a bleck guy. But he was wering a soot not gane close so I new he culd only be presadent brock obama!**(Samus: What, black guy can't wear a nice suit?)**

**One chapter till we-**

* * *

**All: GO B**** HUNTING!**

**THE BU-**

**(Cocks shotgun.)**

**I'll go. :(**


	5. The first kill :3

**Imagi: I'm back!**

**Where were you?**

**Lucina: Getting snacks, drinks, and stuff.**

* * *

STOP WRATING BAD THANGS ABOUT MY STOREY! If yall dont ill tell Lauren to beet u up. She rans crass country and plays batskeetball so shes in reel god shap (but she doesnt try to look manely or anythang becuz shes not a lesban and nether am I. We were makeup an nic close and put alota tim in r hare)**(Lucina: I can crush man's head like sparrow's egg between leg. Bring it.) **Alos my bro is a senor lintbecker on the hi school fatball teem so he cold beet yall up even easer. Marry CHRISmass (NOY HAPY HOLEDAY) to the good people who wote good revews! (Im up erly becuz im so excite. I no ill get godo stuff this yer)**(Me: Yay...)**

* * *

CHAO 5: SARA VERSAILLES OBABA

* * *

**(Narrator: Chao, Chao!)**

I stud infrant of Ibama**(Imagi: Llama?)**, reddy too fite. He keeped taking about how he was the greetest evul 2 evar live and how he wood give my sole to Satin**(Me: As he needs to make even more satin slippers!)**. I new I coldnt bet him in my curant stat, so I activated my finale smash. "impassible! Noone can use there finale smash without a smash bell!" Brak Osama said.**(Imagi: THANK YOU.)** Now iwas moor powarfel then him and I quackly wan.**(Lucina: But you have more 'power', and you run away like a duck?)** "Ha! Your alredy to late!" he laffed evully and flyed away "i hided Marth somewere in the Grate Mase tho."**(Narrator: Probably take them like, five seconds, tops.) **"im to late what dos that men" I said.**(Me: MEN!*)** "idont no lets fine math" Kink said.**(Lucina: Kink. Like, Kinky?)** So we all went in2 the Miz**(Me: I LOVE HIS THEME SONG!)** to find Marth. We seerch all over and fote bats aganst bad people their. But Mark was nowere to be fond. We war about to give up wen we herd the sowd of a musial cumin form one of the dores we werent in yet. We open the door and saw that Marth was insid with Captan Futon**(Imagi: HELLO CAPTAIN MATTRESS! Lucina: XD)** and a buncha otter**(Narrator: AGAIN WITH THE OTTERS?!)** gay guys. He was dress lik a dreg quin.**(Me: Oh, so like what Cloud did once. But, [Takes long sip of Dr. Pepper], that's none of my buisness.) ** He saw us and skiped over. "ew, dad. Those are last moths shos" he sed to Snack.**(Lucina: HE's A MERCINARY! THE F*** SHOULD HE CARE?)** Snak was wering last months shoos but Marth shuldnt no that. He also taked with a hi-patched vois witha lasp insted of his normel depp manely vois.**(Imagi: Bulllllllllllllllls***.)** Captan Fakkon skiped up to. "thisis me bofrend captan facon" Mark sad. then I relized wat happen. Marth was turn gay!**(Me: Or he really likes those satin dresses.)** "NO NOT MY SUN!" Snarf said.**(Narrator: THUNDERCATS, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)** "now wer gonna rap u an make yall gay to silly" Captan Vulcan**(Lucina: Mr. Spock.)** said. Tehnb Mark an Captan Favan and all the otter gays in The Room skiped**(Imagi: That is very bad way of trying to chase someone.)** at us. I new they culdnt make me gay becuz only getting repad by lesbans turns gurls gay but it was still scury.**(Me: BULLS***. It's a choice you insensitive prick!)** Snale got ot his rockette luncher an shat rockettes at the gays and blowed a buncha them up but their wer to maney. Clod used a lamer brake**(Imagi: Powered by the limp d**** of nerds everywhere!)** to get rad of more gays. Zelda shat furballs and used the dimand sheld thin b4 turning into Shaq and using kun fu and ninja stuff. Link throwed his bonerang and Ikr used his sord to held back the gays. Maryo and Loogey jamped on the gays heds to kill them. Peech throwed turdaps and Kerby hit them with his hummer**(Imagi: Remeber, if you drive a Hummer, you are most likely a douche.)**. Sonec used supper sped ball on them and sence Pete is an angle he sant gays diretlay to hell usin the powar of God**(Me: With that, Palutena dragged his sorry a** back to Skyworld.)**. Despit all these their war to many gays in The Room so we had too retret. Everbuddy ran out the dor expect Soldi Snak "cum on Snaek!" I shatted. "no yall leve ill hild tem of they alredy got my sun I hav noting to liv 4" Snack fired rockettes into the gays like a maidman wile ever1 elese ran out of the grate max. Soon more gays and lesbans and otter libruls started poring out of the other doors. We wer trap. "ono" I said. I thout I wold be rapped into a lesban and then id hav too kiss girls and stop wering makeup and start wering flanel and id only shop at homs deepo insted of gud storks**(Lucina: Your death wil be very slow.)**. Butthan mister han and crazie hen flyed out of the sky. "hirry! Well crary u2 safe!" Masterham said. I new that God sent them to save us from the gay librusl. They take us back 2 teh Manshan. I was gong to find Samas and beet her up 4 sending Marth to Subspas were he turd gay but she wasnt in the manshan she was shoping at helms deep becuz shes a lesban.**(Me: GET A 2X4 SAMUS!)** Since Math was gay no I went on a dat with Link insted**(Imagi: HOLD UP. YOUR MAN JUST TURNED GAY, AND YOU ALMOST INSTANTLY GO OUT WITH ANOTHER GUY? THE F*** LADY?!)**. We eat at chickfila (Ha! Take that gays!)**(Narrator: F*** you.)** and then saw a movie.**(Me: WAS IT B**** TWO, THE B****INESS?)**

* * *

**YOU READY?!**  
**ALL: YEAH!**  
**Imagi: What's with the Braxien holding a sword?**

**Request.**

**Lucina: Gun? Check. Coat? Check.**

**Imagi: Scythe? Check. Gatling guns? Check.**

**Narrator: Reminder? Check. (Sheathes sword.) Sniper rifle? Check.**

**Shotgun? Check. Sledgehammer? Check. We're also gonna meet with Samus and Pit. NOW, SUNGLASSES!**

**(Everyone puts on sunglasses.)**

* * *

**Sara: ULL GAY LIBRULZ WIL DI!**

**Sara was being the same annoying b**** she always was. Welp, let's fix that.**

**KA-BOOM!**

**Me: We got a package of Whoop-A** for a Ms. B**** F***Face?**

**(Everyone starts tearing into her, insulting her grammar and spelling, and the fact that the author was up late at night trying to write this story.)**

**Pit: Wait, where's Samus?**

**Samus is curb stomping the s*** out of her lesbian counterpart.**

**Samus: YOU ************************************* I'M GONNA SHOVE THIS ********* DOWN YOU ****************** AND AFTERWARDS I'LL ******************** WITH A DAMN PIG.**


	6. Ridley's the bad guy

**Who feels great?**

**(Everyone raises their hand.)**

* * *

I fond out that Laurens sister in collage voted 4 sum guy named garry jonson (wonder if hes relative 2 mr jonson) insted of matt ramnoy in the erection. That mad me relly upsat but Lauren sed it was ok becuz romni still won soth caroline (were I live) and I gess shes rite. **(Me: NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!)**Lauren looked relly pretty in her new crismas close and she said idid to and im gled I got to sped the nite at her hous. Also yall need to stop saiyan bad thans about my storey, libruls! Also im not a slot ima CHRISTEN!**(Imagi: Bullllls*****!)**

CHAP 6: THE CONSART

thew next day all the conserbatovs wer sad that March and Snak were gay libruls now (Snak evan chaned his nam frum Soiled Smock to Solendra Snaef**(Lucina: What, did he have his d*** removed too?)**). Mastre Hanes saw this and so he skeduled a hug consort**(Imagi: That, actually sounds pretty nice.)** 4 us. He called lots of relly great people like Bard Palsy and Tobe Ketrh and Care Underwode**(Me: Yay!)** and Honk Willems Junor and Tod Nougat and Justyn Bebur**(Narrator: Nope.)** and On Directon and a buncha other people. And beast of all he got TALER SWIFT to cum**(Lucina: [Slow clap.])**. Tailer Swuft is my favorit musec person and I relly lick her alot BUT NOT IN THAT WAY BECUZ IM NOT A LESBAN just as a frend. I was gong to were my best red dress for the consart. I had my hare dun up nice and put on some reed lipstake an sum eyeliner and eye shadoo. And I put on my best hi hells.**(Me: And you still a b****.)** I walked through the manshan but than I saw Samas but Lin**(Narrator: The Assist Trophy?)** was their to protract me so she didnt rap me. She walked the otter way but drapped a notbook. I piced it up and red the cover. It sad "SECRETE PLANE 2 MAEK TAILAR SWOFT MY LESBAN LUVER."**(Narrator: **_**Plot... **_**Imagi: **_**Con... **_**Lucina: -**_**Ven... **_**Me: -**_**Ience...)**_ That fightened me alot becuz Tailer Swift is my favaret muzican and if she was turned into a lesban than shed rite sons with secrete backwerds massages that turn people gay**(Me: This sounds **_**wayyy**_** too much like the Pokemon Rap Satan theory.)** (my parents said that hevy medal muzic alreddy does sumthing like this to turn people into Stanists**(Lucina: HAIL STAN!)**). I red the plane and new I had to stop it. So I caled Tayler Swift becuz I have her privates numner.**(Imagi: That must be one interesting conversation...)** "Hi Sara" she said "im lookin ford to seen u et my consort." "SAMAS IS GUNA RAERP U AND TURN U INTO A LESBAN!" I scrammed into the fone.**(Narrator: She is now deaf. Thanks.)** "Uno!" she said, "i ned more budygards!" So she hanged up so that she cold hir some budygords. Later I went to the consort with Lnik and lessened to the muzak. I saw that Tailar Swift had mor buddygurds now including Radley from Samas Game**(Me: First, SO YOU HAVE PLAYED A GAME. Second, WHY THE F*** DID YOU THINK SHE WAS A GUY?!)**. She was the hedlane of the consort so she was on last. She was in the maddle of signing "Luv Storey"**(Me: Give me a sec. [Uses Spotify.] **_**Ohhhhh.**_**)** (mine and Laurens favorit of her sons. We lissen 2 it 2tegeter al the tim. I no ill find a guy to lissen 2 it with sumday).**(Lucina: Or he'll kill you to it. Imagi: -_-')**

"Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone.

I keep waiting for you but you never come.

Is this in my head? I don't know what to think.

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said..." Tailer Swift sang.

**(Me: THAT B**** GOT IT RIGHT?!)**

Suddanly Samas stod up.**(Narrator: Hello.)** "IM GUNNA RAP U TAYLAR SWAFT!" she began ranning 2 the stooge. Lotsa bodygards tred to stap her but a buncha gay guys including Mart and Snick and Captan Facon roped them 2 turn them gay. Luckly Rudley cold fly so he grapped Tayler Soft and carred her out of Samas clatches. Wen Samas got too the stag Tad Nuget grabed his asalt ruffle**(Lucina: THE HELL DID HE GET THAT?!)** and shat her like a billion times. Wile she was destracted by that Tobe Keeth sneaked up behind her and shaved a boat up her ass **(All: WHAT THE F***?!)**(sorry for swering. I prayed for fergivness from God for tiping that) like in my favoretest sing of his.**(Narrator: You don't sing about that kind of stuff...)** Than the otter muzakans ran over and beet Samas with there instraments until she was unconshus and then the polite came and throwed her in prisan (unfortunetly they toke her 2 womans prism so she culdnt be reaped becuz shes alredy a lesban**(Imagi: She already ate them. I bet ten. Lucina: Twenty.**). Once allthe gays were scarred off Ridlay came back with Talar Sweft and she famished her consort. After it was dun all the musicans gave autotrophs to me and the other smashers. Talar Swift gave me the bigest best autotroph of all time becuz I warned her about Samas. "Ur my bettest frend" Taylir Swut said (off coarse Lauren is my BFF but I didnt want to hart Taylers felons**(Imagi: She hangs out with felons?)** by tellin her that). Wen the consort was ovary and the muzikans laft I wenton anotter dat with Link.**(Imagi: SLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL********************TTTTTT!)**

* * *

**Me: Let's be glad Samus wasn't here...**

**Lucina: You're out of chocolate ice cream.**

**Me: I bought that like, five minutes before we started.**

**Lucina: Well, you're out now.**

**Imagi: How do you not have a brain freeze?**

**Lucina: Oh, I do. I'm just really good at not showing it.**


	7. Still a Sue!

**Look at the summary for this chapter.**

Sara isnt a Marisoo becuz her frend Lauren is evan beater.

**Imagi: Wow.**

* * *

I loked up wat a Marisoo was and I thenk this chapper will prov that Sara isnt won so all of u libruls wil have 2 make up now ways 2 ignor the TRUTH in my storey.**(Lucina: I'd bet, but no one would say otherwise.)**

CHAP 7: FEETBALL GAEM

**(Me: That sounds extremely gruesome.)**

the next day Link waked me up an told me that the No Yirk Jet were playin agenst the Hirool Fotball team that day.**(Me: F*** THEM, GO SAINTS!)** "The Ne wYok Jars?!" I said. They were my favorte footbal teem even tho I liev in Suth Carelyna becuz they have Tim Tibo playin 4 tham and hes relay awsom and a Christen. I used 2 lik the Danver Brikos becuz they had Teboo but than they get rad of him prolly becuz there couch was a gay librul soshalest or sumthin.**(Lucina: That or he sucks at his job.)** "And I hav sum tikets" Linj said.**(Narrator: The f*** did he get those?)** "Yay! We ned 2 go" I sade. "Absalootly Nit!" Mister Hem said, flaying don the hale.**(Imagi: My god. THE SAVIOR HAS RETURNED!)** "wynaut" I said.**(Lucina: WOBBA-FET!)** "becuz we nede 2 fite maches 2day and allso im brotesh so I thank socer is fotball becuz king jorge the turd was a America-hating commanst who hated America and name socker fetball in enguld so thet reel footbal cant be in brutishland."**(Me: Um, that's some grade-A bulls*** miss. I'm gonna have you arrested now. Lucina, call 911! Lucina: I am 911. Me: [Dials 911] Lucina: Hello?)** I strummed off becuz Master Han was been such a jurk! He ran aftar me. "But theirs sumthin eels 2day. Sinc Samas is in prisan now we neded anew smasher to replac here." Just than Crazy Hanie flewed up and withim was LAUREN!**(Imagi: Soooo, of all the people you could've chosen, you just happened to choose her best friend? For shame.) **"Hey gurl!" Lauren said. We higged each other.**(Narrator: Tot- DAMMIT, WE PROMISED TO NOT BASH LAUREN!)** "3" I said.**(Lucina: Wat.)** "Shell be stay in ur rom becuyz Samas had losts of lesban sax on her bed so she prolly dont wanna slip their" Crapy Hans sad.**(Me: That, is actually pretty true. Imagi: I'm not sleeping in love juice.)**v"Yay! Were romies!" I charred. "No teem up 4 ur first mach 2day" Mister Hens said "u will fite Math and Captan Fukton. **(All: Oh my- BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!)**Goto the studiem nao." I was sad that I had 2 fite Marth even tho I was dating Link. I still had felons 4 Mark.**(Me: You sl*t.)** I told Lauren abot this. "Its ok im her" she huged me agen and I falt beater. We want 2 the mach agenst Marth and Capten Fulcone. Wen we got 2 the stag they wer havin gay sax onit.**(Narrator: F*********** YYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!)** I throwed up and so did Lauren and so did all the otter Christen watchen. Tehn the frat begun. "Ew! Ur fashon sanse is like so bid" Marth said.**(Imagi: It ain't her fashion sense buddy.)** "Liar!" I sad. Both Lauren and me allways had the best close ever.**(Me: BECAUSE YOU SPEND $2000 ON A PAIR OF SHOES.)** Marth tred 2 hit Lauren with his sord but she dogged it. Even tho Lauren did not have powars frum God, neither Marth nor Capetn Falcan were fat enuf 2 hit her.**(Imagi: Oh my-)** I didnt evan have 2 us my powars in the fite. Lauren was that guds on her one that I barely evan hed 2 do anytin.**(Lucina: Sure.)** She basecly wan the fit buy herself (c Sara cant be a marsu if theres sum1 batter then her).**(Narrator: Yes, they can. The other person just is even more of a Sue.)** "this gaems winnar red teem" the narater sade.**([Everyo-] Narrator: F*** OFF!)**

Lauren and me hagged agen wen we won.**(Lucina: And no one notices the non-existant boob grab.)** After a few more fites (wich we alos won**(Imagi: Why not?)**) we were dun 4 the day. Aftar we wer don we went 2 r rom and Laurens stuf was alredy their. We massed the fettbill gam but we saw that the Jers won and Tom Tebo scared a buncha pants**(Me: They all were in therapy for months for the stains.)**. I called him 2 congradulat him (I had his privet fone nomber**(Lucina: No you don't.)**) and than LAuren and me went 2 slap**(Imagi: I wanna join!)**. We slipped in the only bed but NOT IN A LESBAN WAY WE SLEP IN THE SAM BAD AL THE TIM BUT WERE STRATE WE WERE NISE CLOSE AND MAKUOP AND PUT EFFART IN R HARE AND DONT TRY 2 LOK MANELY!**(Narrator: My ears... Me: Too much denial does lead to suspiscion you know.)**

The next day Lauren started dating Ike**(Imagi: BECAUSE F*** YOU!)** and they want on a dooble dat with Me and Limk. We wrent 2 Chickfela agen becuz they opos the gay agands.**(Lucina: She doesn't care, even** **if their food was terrible. Why? 'Becuz they opos the gay agands.')**

* * *

**Well, I'm off to go get some pizza.**

**Imagi+Lucina: [Playing Cards agianst Humanity with Narrator and Wendell the Bunny Dragon) Hurry back.**

**Not even a thanks... **


	8. Bad Choice

**Samus: I'M BACK B****ES! **

**Oh, Samus... S***.**

**Link: Where am I?**

**Narrator: WELCOME TO OUR FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE. u**

**Link: Sure.**

* * *

I loki**(Me: Oh yeah, that guy!)** up the defanation of "troll" an I jus have 2 say that its tipecal librul behavor to just call me a troll because yall dont wanna accept that everytrthing I say is tru and u libruls are wrong and agenst God himself**(Imagi: No we say it because you are.)**. Yall refuse to accept that any1 has a difring oponion frum u becuz if u do that then yule hav 2 accept that ur opinyon is wrung. U R HIPPOCRATES.**(Samus: U R A B****.)**

CHAP 8: SAMAS BRAKES OUTTA PRISAN

**(Samus: Explain puny mortal, before I gut you. Me: -_-')**

* * *

Lauren an Me had lotsa fun and wan alota maches over the naxt weak. Havin her in tha manshon was the best thin ever**(Imagi: So, not the hot springs. Samus: The five star cooking. Imagi: The kick-a** rooms. Samus: The Smash System. Both: Yeah, you dum.)**. We also went on a tun of dobbie dates with r boyfrens Like and Ink**(Samus: WHERE IS MY EXPLANATION. Link: RIGHT NOW.)**. On dya I was bye myself tho and walking around the manshon. I had the day off becuz Lauren was teeming with Ike and Link had a 1-an-1 mach agents Ganandalf**(Narrator: That's not how it works.)**. I was walking past a buncha door an stuf. Than Zelda waked up to me.**(Link: Zelda, HALP!)** "Hi Sara" she said. She was starring at my shirt. I was wearing a pink tank top that staryed out blake but then I took alota glitter and spel "Obama Sux" onit.**(Me: Ha. Narrator: You have so much political insight.)** "Lick my shit?" I said.**(All: GOOD RESPECTIVE GODS AND GODDESSES NO.)** "yes. Thats why I was luking their**(Me: I don't like this.)**" Zelda said she loking bak at my fase "lets go2 my rome"**(Narrator: I WILL OWN ROME YOU B- [Link puts Master Sword to neck.] Link: Gonna finish that sentence?)** "OK" I said. I fellowed Zelda 2 her room. Wen we want inside the room was dirk and I herd the dore slum behind me.**(Me: Definitely don't like this.)** "hai their pretty gurl" I recognized the vois imedietly. It was SAMAS ERIN! But she was supposed 2 b in prism.**(Me: [Picks up phone.] Hello? Imagi: I F***ING TOLD YOU!)** "But ur supose 2 be in prisan" is aid.**(Link: Samus was in jail for a DUI. They didn't enjoy it.)** "I braked out" she said. It was my worstest feer. I new she wuld evantully be pardanned by Bareck Obaka but I hopped the wasingtan burowcrasy wuld dely her pardan lon enuf 4 a Republeken too be elect or for Obamuh 2b impech. I didnt except 4 Samas to brake out.**(Narrator: There's a lot of things wrong with that.)** "Zelda we ned to ran" but Zelda was bloking the door "whats gone on?"**(Link: Uh, Zelda, you need to move. Me: Link, I need you to stay very calm.)** "U didnt figar it out yet?" Zelda said. She runned ovary and stated to ripe off my close and she kissed me.**(Link: WHAT THE F************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************- Narrator: WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY!)** "Ono ur a lesban now" I sad, puling away. Howevar Samas grabed me form behind and than started ribbing my butte.**(Samus: I WILL KILL YOU PUNY DEMON SPAN. Me: This was a bad idea...)** "Yes I am sexay Sara" Zelda toched my brass.**(Narrator: She has brass knuckles? Me: Just shut up before they murder us...)** "I turmed her into my luver when I return from prisan" Samas whispared in2 my eer.**(Me: Somehow, I wish she was wispering. Samus: DOES THOU DARE SPEAKETH ABOUT ME YOU FOOL. Me: No...)** "And son yule be a lesban to" Zelda whaspered in my otter era.**(Narrator: Where the otters put the humans in cages and watched THEM throw s*** at each other!)** "No ples no" I said "i dont wanna be a lesban. Ima Christen! Sumbuddy Halp!"**(Link: Will removing you from this plane of existance do?)** "Noone can here u. We mad sure every1 els was in the stadiem" Samas said. "God can her me" I said.**(Me: He's probably got popcorn and yelling "MAKE SURE TO THROUGH THE BACK! AND MAKE SURE TO USE THE NINERS! Link: Shut up, or I will stab you.)** "Ha! Im an athist librul now! I dont beleve in God anymor!" Zelda said. "Yes now we both warship Satin!" Samas said. "Just becuz u dont beleve inhim doesnt meen hes nor reel" I sade. "Well I used my magik combined with the pwoar of Santa and Barak Obema to seel the door to this room" Zelda said "lik it or not yule be a lesban sun!"**(Narrator: USE THE T- [Samus puches him into a wall.]** I runned into the coroner of Zeldas room.**(Me: O.o)** "Sty back!" I sad, praperd fora fit. "Been a lesban isnt sumthin to be afeared of Sara" Zelda said "Im hapy now that Samas and I r dating."**(Me: And that's very true. Samus: IT'S STILL ME! Link: IT'S STILL ZELDA!)** "It doesnt matter how hapy u r. Its an abomasnow!"**(Me: Infernape used Flamethrower! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!)** I sed "God hats u 4 it!" "Beleve me yule be hapy 2 wen u becom 1 of us" Samas said. "Maybe ucan turn Lauren into a lesban than u 2 can dat eachodder" Zelda said. "No! Id never do that to my best fren!" I said "she may be the prettest gurl evar but we ned 2 goto hevan not hell. WERE CHRISTENS NOT LESBANS!"**(Me: THEY CAN COEXIST!)** "Not 4 long" Samas and Zelda said in unisan.

As the 2 lesbans aproched me I was more scarred than id evar ben in my life. Al I culd do was prey and prey that sum1 came to my rescue. Did I mak it out safe or did Samas and Zelda tune me in2 a lesban athist librul? Find out in the next chaptar!**(Narrator: NO ONE CAAAAARES!)**

* * *

**Link+Samus: GOING ON A MASS MURDER SPREE.**

**Wendell: Bring back fried chicken.**


	9. WHY MUST SHE ESCAPE?

**Link: WE'RE BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!**

**Me: Crap.**

**Wendell: Did you get chicken?**

**Samus: HERE.**

**Wendell: Yay! Hey, where's Narrator?**

**Me: At the hospital after his encounter with my wall.**

* * *

So u libruls kep callin me a troll? I aint a troll!**(Me: YOU IZ A B****!)** IMA CHRISTEN! As allways thank all yall who worte god revews! U r good Christens and I prey that good thjins happen 2 u evary nite.**(Wendell: I'd rather they die painfully.)**

CHAP 9: SARA ESCAPS

**(Samus: F***! Link: YOU!)**

So I was cowing**(Me: Moo?)** in the cornor of Zeldas rome preying and preying 2 God 2 sav me frum becaming a lesban.**(Samus: NO GOD SHALL HELP YOU WHEN WE FIND YOU.)** "SNAPE OUTTA THIS ZELDA! U R A CHRISTEN! REMEMBER WEN WE FOTE BOOZER AND FALCOR AND LATER U TEEMED UP WITH ME 2 TRY 2 SAV MARTH EVER THO IT DIDNT WORK?" I said.**(Wendell: I wonder why?)** "Yes u wer relly sexay in ur red dress that day Sara" Zelda said "u make me wanan rap u evan mor!"**(Link: STOP COMPLEMENTING HER ZELDA!)** "No go away!" I said. But Zelda and Samas keeped slowly approching me loking as deductive as passible. All I cold do was prey and prey and prey. Then I had an idiom.**(Wendell: Idiom- (Latin: idioma, "special property", from Greek: ἰδίωμα – idíōma, "special feature, special phrasing, a peculiarity", f. Greek: ἴδιος – ídios, "one's own") is a phrase or a fixed expression that has a figurative, or sometimes literal, meaning. An idiom's figurative meaning is different from the literal meaning. Me: Was that really nescessary? Wendell: Yes.)** "So Zelda am I pretier then Samas?" I sajd.**(Samus: B**** YOU ALWAYS UGLY!)** "OFF COARSE NOTE!" Zelda sad.**(Me: Thank you!)** "Dame rite she aint" Samas culd swer becuz shes a lesban and goin 2 hell aneway.**(Narrator:[Gives her the bird.]** Than Samas and Zelda lusfully loked in eachodders eyes and prassed there lucas lips togetter.**(Me: What the f*** just happened.)** B4 lang they ware crassing eachotters subtitle beasts. It was a discussing abomnation but at lease they werent dong it 2 me. Evantully they forgote I was their so I sneaked 2 the door but itwas still seel! I tred to kick the door and scram 4 halp but it was a relly stron seel and sondprof. So I went bak into the corner curred up in a fatal positron and preyed sum moor.**(Me: SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE F*** JUST HAPPENED.)** I was abot to gave up hop wen the door braked down. It was LAUREN AND LINK AND IKE!**(Link:**_** Hissssss...**_** Me: 0-0)** "God gabve us a massage so we came!" Lauren said. I ranned over 2 Lauren and huged her and crayed.**(Wendell: Wait, what about the seal?)** "They wer gone 2 turn me into a lesban!" I sad. "Its ok im here" Lauren rubed my hare as a frend.**(Me: Touch my hare, [Points at Wendell.] and I will shank a b****.)** "Zelda! Wh lesban now?" Link was clergy very sad abot this.**(Link: YOU WEREN'T EVEN DATING YOU UNHOLY PIECE OF S***.)** "Becuz I raepd her" Samas said.**(Samus: F*** YOU. Me: Remind me to kick them out after this...)** "Than u well dye!" He drawed his sord.**(Wendell: To quote any MMA fighter, "S*** JUST GOT REAL.")** "No Link wen gayz and lesbans have sax they charg up with the powar of Satin and Barak Ovama! There 2 powarful rite now!" Ike sad.**(Me: WHERE THE F*** WAS THAT DURING THE POINTLESS INTERRIGATION SCENE?!)** Samas and Zelda gut outta Zeldas bed and rane at us. Lukly Lauren brot a crust which she hald up so that the lesbans hissed and backed away and we 4 Christens cold escap.**(Wendell: THey're gay. Not vampires. You aren't Buffy the Second.)** Later we went on anotter doble date 2 chikfela. Link was sad that his frend Zelda was an evul lesban now so we all chered him up bye goin 2 the movie he wanted 2 see afterword.**(Me: And that's it?)** The next day Link and I wer walking down the jhall wen Zelda bloked ar path. She had her hare cute vary short and wasnt wering makup anymor and was wereing a plad flanel shirt and paints insteed of a dress.**(Link: F*** YOU YOU PIECE OF HORSE S***. Me: Woah.)** "DONT RAP ME ZELDA!" I sade.**(Wendell: DO IT!)** "Im nut her 4 u thes tim Sexay Sara" Zelda sed.**(Me: Why would you ever want her?) **"Than why r u here?" I said.**(Me: Well, personally, I want to stab a b****.)** "Link as u no im the princess of Hirole so I mad a new law" she said "STRAITNESS IS NOW ILLEGAL! U WILL HAV 2 MARRY GANANDORF OR GOTO PRISAN!"**(Wendell: But... This isn't Hyrule...)**

I gasped! How wode Link and I fine or way outta this one!**(Link: GET AWAY FROM ME ALREADY!)**

* * *

**Welp, they look pleasant.**

**(Link and Samus are currently going Tazmanian Devil on a picture of Sara.)**

**Wendell: Kill time?**

**Me: Definitely.**

**Same rules as before, so get on it! You got two chapters!**


	10. Stabby time

**Lucina: We're back.**

**Me: WhErE yOu? HeHeHeHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**

**Imagi: 0-0**

* * *

Thank u 2 everone who gave good revews. And all the athist libruls who say bad thins need 2 stop dong thet. Im relly excite agen becuz Lauren is coming 2 my jhous for new yatrs. Its alweys relly fun wen im with her and I fel relly good.**(Imagi: I wonder why...) **She is my BFF forever and I adorn her with every fibber of my bean.**(Narrator: And we hate you with every fibber of our bean.)**

CHAP 10: LINK RENONCES HIS CITZENSHAP

**(Lucina: Good thing you kicked out Link.)**

* * *

"NO I WILL NOT MARRY GANENDORF!" Link sed. **(Me: Who would.) **"Than yule go 2 prism!" Zelda said "the weddings 2marow so be their. I ned 2 go to Hom Depo with my girlfren Samas now tho so im leving."**(Imagi: Not gonna even take him into custody or anything.) **Zelda blowed me a kiss and than she laffed evully and than she left. "wat shuld we do!" I said.**(Me: Go away. My sanity can't handle it.) **"well im not gonna marry Ganandarf!" Link sad "I luv u so much! And im not gay and nether r u."**(Narrator: Definitely not what fanfiction says...)** "rite" I new Link wasnt gay and even mor then that I new I wasnt a lesban. If any yall think ima lesban then I shuld let u no im 100 percant not and nether is Lauren.**(Imagi: STOP TELLING US ALREADY!)** Since I was alredy thinking abot Lauren I new we shuld ask her wat 2 do now. "why dosnt Link just renonc his Hirole citzenshap" Lauren sed wen we fond her.**(Lucina: You can do that?)** "Gud idea" I sad.**(Narrator: Probably not.)** "It hirts me 2 do this becuz im saposed 2 be the protractor of hirole" Link said "but noting can protract them from Gods devin wreath now that theres so much gayness their"**(Me: Except for Din, Nayru, and Fayore...)** "ok so that saddles that" I sade "but we ned 2 do sumthin abot all thes gays and lesbans in the manshon."**(Imagi: Just agree to it out the a**. WHY NOT.)** "I no wecan rappel them with a kriss. But thats only a temprary soluble becuz if any Christens r cot with there gard don theyll be rap in2 mor gays and lesbans" Lauren sed.**(Lucina: How do you not know someone's about to rape you? I mean, I'd notice if it was happening to me.)** "I wish makin people strait Christens was that easy!" I said.**(Narrator: We wish it was easy to kill you. Alas, time travel doesn't exist yet.)** "If it was that easy God wodnt have 2 sand u" Link said.**(Me: I'm seriously considering the idea that God was very hammered when he made that descision...)** We gathered a mating of all the remaning Christen Consertatives in the Manshon. Everbuddy got a buncha mor crasses. Than we all mad sure 2 lack r dors and widows at nit so no 1 cold brake in and rap us wile we slep (thats wen Samas got Zelda. She want 2 bed a Strat Christen Consarvetav and waked up a lesban athist librul).**(Imagi: So the Tooth Fairy, except with rape?)** We new we had 2 prepar 4 whatever Satin and Osbama had plened. It was prolly sumtrhinh vary evul.**(Narrator: Does d***ing around in black towels and toy lightsabers count as evil?)** Wen Zalda and Samas got back frum the manshon we told her that Link was renoncing his citzenshape. "I excepted this" Zelda sad "so I writed up anotter marrege cirtefikat. Now Ton Link must marry Ganindalf."**(Me: THAT'S IT. SHE DIES NEXT CHAPTER!)** "NO HES MY BRUTHER!" Link said.**(Imagi: The f*** is wrong with these people and telling their family apart from random people?)** "Its 2 late. Hes not old enuf 2 renunce his citzenshop and I declard myslef his legel garden so I wont do it 4 him. The wadding is 2morow and theres noting u can do 2 stop it."**(Lucina: But, Link's his... **_**brother,**_** so shouldn't he be the guardian?)** Zelda blowed me a kiss and walked away. "We ned 2 stap this weeding!" I sed.**(Narrator: Smoke weed everyday!)** "I no!" Link sid. We gathered the Christens 2getter to thank up a plane.**(Imagi: That'll probably take you a while...)**

* * *

**PREPARE FOR WAR!**

**Lucina: But it was next chapter...**

**I DON'T CARE! WENDELL, WE RIDE!**

**Wendell: But, chicken...**

* * *

**?: Oh, they're in a hurry. Say, I wouldn't mind joining in on that party.**

**A reptilian figure grinned before stepping through a dark purple portal.**

* * *

**CHARGE!**  
**The group had broken down the door to see Sara, and with murder in their eyes, they-**

* * *

**-Dark X's POV-**

* * *

**(A Grovyle stepped out wearing a dragon-shaped pendant. At her side was a purplish-black sword with a gold hilt that had a blue orb between them.)**

**Sara: Who r u? Ar yoo a librul?**

**X: No, just a VERY angry Author with an axe to grind. Or in this case, a sword.**

**Sara: Yyo mist bw a librool, amd a lebsion! Omly lesboan waers jeens an armoire! **

**X: *narrows eyes* as for my jeans, I can wear whatever I want. As for my armor- wait, I'm a Grovyle right now, how in the world do you think I'm my jeans and armor?**

**Sara: Becu libral, snd Lauren and Josh ar gonnna kik yur butte! **

**X: Fight your own battles, coward. And, FYI, Lauren is NOT your friend at the moment, and most likely never will be again.**

**Sara: Wel, im teh bestest author evar, butter thin yu! Yu liberls ar all jellous ov the TRUTH in mah storey!**

**X: *RAGE MODE ACTIVATED, runs over and slices into Sara's belly with Leaf Blade, speaking through gritted teeth* I may be new to Fanfiction, but I, and many others, are now, and always will be, better Authors than you'll ever be. *cuts deeper into Sara's belly* And there IS. NO. TRUTH IN YOUR STORY. I HAVE NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS OF THIS TRAIN WRECK OF A STORY. IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS WRITTEN NY A THREE YEAR OLD, IT'S MORE OFFENSIVE THAN FAMILY GUY, AND YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BEAR THE NAME OF AUTHOR! *rips out Leaf Blades and proceeds to stab Sara in the chest with Dimension Sword* YOU BRING SHAME TO THE SUPER SMASH BROS. FANDOM! *repeatedly hacks at Sara until she is dead. X then takes deep breaths, calming down, and turns to the group, wiping blood off her* Well, that went well, don't you agree? Seriously, doing that was LONG overdue. **

**Um, who are you?**

**X: Oh, I'm DarkX the Dragon Knight, but you guys can call me X!**

**Lucina: And you are?**

**X: A Author who really wanted to do that. Well then, who wants coffee? On me!**

**Imagi: I'm in.**

**(Sounds of agreement come from the crowd as they follow her, leaving the Author on Wendell wondering what the hell just happened.)**


	11. You F---ing A--holes

**We're backkkkkkkkkkkk...**

**Lucina: So, let's get on with it.**

* * *

Why dose everone think ima lesban? How meny tims do I hav to say im not a lesban IMA CHRISTEN! Lauren and I r jus frends and noting has EVAR happen like that. Lauren is a pretty girl but I dont like girls that wat and nether dos she. I hed 2 tak a brake frum riting becuz I was so hurt by ur acualizations**.(Me: My God. WE'RE WINNING! Rest: HOORAH!)**

CHAP 11: TEH WADDING

**(Narrator: HEY! Using 'teh'as a word is my stick!)**

* * *

The next day wuz the weeding betwin Tone Link and Ganondalf**(Lucina: YOU. SHALL NOT. PASS.)**. It was in the tempo of tim in hirole. All of the Christens wer their becuz Poon Link**(Imagi: Probably the cousin none of them talk about unless nessaccary.)** neded molar support**(Me: I hear your altar man has dental experience.)**. Also we wer gonna stap the weding.**(Narrator: wouldn't that be SLIGHTLY MORE IMPORTANT.)** Gangnamdorf**(Me: Woop 'em Ganon style!)** was alredy gay so he was wering a weding dress with a wite vale and Bozor was waking him don the isle.**(Lucina: **_**Snicker! **_**I would **_**PAY**_** to see that!)** Ton Lenk was wering a taxemo. Ther was a athist pastor wading at the alter. I wor a nice dress but not my best one becuz I didnt aprov of the weeding.**(Imagi: I have a vendetta agianst tuxedos, so I would wear what I usually wear.)** Lauren loked relly petty but I didnt want 2 kiss her becuz im not a lesban.**(Me: Stop. Telling. Us.)** Wen Gandalf**(Lucina: DAMN IT. Ummmm, fly you fools!)** retched the alter the athist pastor began taking. "Were gathared her 2day 2 jon thes 2 in UNholy mantramoney. If any1 objects 2 this onion**(Imagi: WHO BROUGHT THE ONION? I mean seriously guys, come on! He makes everyone cry!)** speck now or forevar hold ur piece" the athist pastor sed.**(Me: I WILL HOLD MY PIECE. Narrator: Damn it man, we need it to finish that jigsaw puzzle!)** I pulled out ny dads shitgun and shat the athist pastor. He dyed insanely.**(Lucina: [Gives disturbingly detailed description of his death.] Everyone else: [Looks ready to puke.])** "No! Ur failing my plane!" Zelda sed.**(Narrator: CAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY DAMN SNAKES, ON MAH F***ING PLANE.** Suddenly everyone pulled out there wepons and Link runned over and garbed his brother away from Ganandorf. All the normel people wer ejaculated out of the tempal of tim wile the Christen smashers including Lauren and me strayed 2 fite the libruls.**(Imagi: Let's play a game. It's called 'Name what's wrong with that sentence!')** It was the greetest battal I evar fot in. Lauren and me killed like a lot of gays and lesbans that began poring in wen we stapped the weding. Link was fiting Gamondirf. "ho dar u stap my wedding Link!" Ganandarf sad.**(Me: Imagine that Ganondorf says everything in a Southern Black Mama voice. You may thank me later.)** He punked Link reptadetly. Then he kiked Link with his hi hells. I new I had 2 sav my bofrend. I shat Ganpndorf with my dads shitgun but it didnt kill him becuz he has like magic powars and stuff.**(Narrator: Like turning into A GIANT DEATH AX-WIELDING MONSTER!)** It gut his atention tho and he runned over to me and tred 2 fite me. I used my supper strenth 2 through him threw a wall **(Lucina: THE HELL DID SHE GET THAT?)**and than shat him agen evan tho it still didnt do anythin. It was fun tho.**(Imagi: Murder is. [Creepy smile.] Everyone else: [Slowly backs away.]) **"U insolvent FOOL!" Ganandarf sed. He riped off his wedingf dress and ther was his armoire underneth. He flayed up into the are and fired a magic blust at me lik in the gam macarena of tim. I defrocked it bak at him. It hit him and he felled don.**(Me: Huh. Usually it takes longer.)** Than Lauren runned over and nocked him unconshus. I looked arond and sawed that all of the othar libruls were unconshus 2. R plane worked!**(All: BOO!)** We coldnt call the polite 2 arest the libruls becuz we wer in Hirole and Zelda was the riler and she was a lesban now so we just had 2 leve.**(Lucina: How were you even there, now that I think about it?)** Frist we returned 2 the Manshan and mad sure Toin Link was ok.**(Narrator: Now Toon, point on the piggy where she touched you.)** Once we did that, Lauren and me went on a doble dat 2 chickfila with r boyfrends. We told everone ther abot the gay weding we stopped and their were hi fives al around.**(Me: Hahahahahahah... You F***ing a**holes.)**

* * *

**HOLY S***! 550 VIEWS!**

**Wendell: PARTY AT TARA'S TO CELEBRATE!**

**Imagi: LET'S GET DRUNK B****ES!**

**Narrator: WHOO!**

**Lucina: And I'm gonna be the designated driver again... **


	12. Racist! D: The HORROR!

**PREPARE YOUSELF, THE RACISTNESS IS COMING!**

**Imagi: (Pulls out Cracker Launcher like device.) The Party Cannon V2 can handle anything!Lucina: The what?**  
**WAIT, NO!**

**Imagi: PARTY CANNON V2: FIREWORKS DANCER!**

**BOOM!**

* * *

Why exectly dose everbuddy thank that Lauren an Me r lesbans? Iv sad like a thosand tims that we ant.**(Me: YOU JUST SAID WHY! Then again, not everyone... **_**THWACK!**_** Imagi: OW! Me: Is very bright. Lucina: She still dumb though right? Me: Oh yeah.)** Weve nevar hed sax!**(Narrator: Then you've never met Mr. Saxobeat.)** We both were makup and put efirt in r hare and dont try 2 lok manely and r relly pretty and the 1 tim my dad tok me to hom depo I thot it was boaring and hatted it their!**(Me: Admittedly, it is kinda boring for me when I'm in a place like Home Depot. I'm a Barnes and Nobles/ Gamestop kinda guy. BUT! Even I can make the best of it. BY SLEEPING IN THE OUTDOOR FURNITURE SECTION! :D Narrator: He's serious...)** Lauren had 2 comfart me (NAT WITH LESBAN SAX!) wen I telled her ur lyes abot us! STAP LAYING YALL!**(Imagi: WE SHALL SPEAK THE TRUTH B****!**

CHAP 12: THE 4 HOARSEMANS

**(Lucina: Isn't that War, Famine, Death, and Conquest? Me: Probably not in this case.)**

It was a few dyas aftar the wreding and everone was still scarred form the experyance. Me and Lauren were waking don the hall han an han with R BOFRENS LONK AND ICK.**(Me: WHO ARE VIDEO GAME CHARECTERS!)** Wen we want passed one rome we herd voises cumin from inside. I opaned the door and saw sum TV screans that wer all showing the sam thin. In Subspas World, Barak Osama was talking 2 STAN HIMSLEF!**(Lucina: HAIL STAN! Me: Say hello to the rather infamous PLOT CONVIENCEEEEEE Room. Imagi: Wow.)** "Zeldas atampt 2 mary Ton Link 2 Ganandorf falled!" Satin sad. "I no! It wasnt my falt! It was Jorge W. Boshs falt (becuz Ubama alwas blams Bosh 4 his fallures**(Narrator: And F*** you.**)" Bork Ogama said. "Its tim we sumun r ultamet wepons! The 4 wurst comanasts in all of histary! The 4 hoarsemans of the alpacalips jus liek in the Bibal!" Satin said.**(Me: Despite your silkiness, you still dum. And I don't think they were Communists.)**

Satin opaned a porthole an the four mos terble comanists in allof histary came on at a tim. The firts comanst was Adulf Hitlur.**(Imagi: Okay.)** He was the presadent of Germeny during one of those world war thins.**(Me: HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THAT IS?!)** He was a leftwang excrement**(Narrator: SO HE DID HAVE TWO! PAY UP DEDEDE, YOU FAT F***!)** who killed consertatives in conservation camps. Wen America defeeted him he channed the nam of Germeny 2 the Saviet Onion and fot us agen in the coald war.**(Lucina: As much as I wish that was a country, you need to retake History.)** The naxt comanast came out dong the Ganon Style dance. He was Charmen Moa. Charmans Mow was the presadent of Asia 4 awile. First he boned perl habor**(Imagi: Wow. F***ing a stripper. Classy.)** so we nuked him than he chaned his nam 2 Charlie 4 sum resin and fot my grandpa in Vetnam. Wen he did his lesban dotter Kimmy Jonquil tok ovar as presadent but than she died 2 recantly I thenk.**(Me: And we are now officialy in Racist territory.)** The next comanst was King Jorge the Thard. Like I sad erlier he was the resin that socar is called fotbal in Britishland so that reel fotball dosent get plaid their. Also he was the king of british two thosand yers ago wen Jesas and Jorge Wussinton teemed up 2 fond America.**(Me: [Stares at sentence for a second.] That sentence needs heavy-metal and Chuck Norris in it.)** King Jorge crusifed Jesas but than Jorge Wasinton killed him 2 make America free and becam the first presadent. The last comanast was sumon I new very wall. It was MR JONSON! Mr Jonson is my sinance teecher and hes an athist who trys 2 shave evilusion don r throts. Also hes givin Becky a beter grad in his clas prolly becuz shes an athist 2 and a lesban (she sad shes a femanast wich is the sam thin). Hes the wurst teecher evar.**(Narrator: Because he's obviously done worse things than genocide, dictatorship, or bombings. Yeah, he must be soooooooo evil...)** "Gesunhate ("Hello" in Germen) Lord Satin!" Hitlur sad.**(Lucina: It means "Bless you.")** "Konichywa ("Hello" in Asian) Lord Satin!" Charmans Moo said.**(Imagi: It's Japanese. They are very awesome people, so back off. THEY MADE. F***ING. GODZILLA. HE'S LIKE THEIR SUPERMAN!)** "Ello guvnuh. Bluddy hall, u wankar! (thats how they talk in Britishland)" King Jorge said.**(Me: No.)** "Hello my Master Lord Satin!" Mr Jonson said.**(Narrator: WHY AM I STUCK WITH THIS JOKER?) **I new that all of us Christens wer in sirius treble if we had 2 fite thes 4 comanasts. I returned 2 my room 2 prey to God that I cold defeet them wen they showed up.**(All: Let's not.)**

* * *

**IN.**

**Lucina: FOUR.**

**Imagi: CHAPTERS!**

**Narrator: WE GONNA SMACK THIS B**** UP AGAIN! BUT WITH NEW CRITERIA!**

***Choose any Movie Monster, from Godzilla to the Wolfman.**

***Describe what you will do. [CANON.]**

*** Leave in Review or Pm.**

* * *

**NOW CLEAN THIS MESS UP!**

**Imagi: Fine.**


	13. She very dum

**Hey, Lucina.**

**Lucina: What?**

**(Leans in all creepy close like.) **_**Ba-na-na.**_

**Lucina: I will shoot you.**

**Never mind!**

* * *

Sum of u libruls r gettin upsat abot the TRUTH in my storey. Yall say Yall wil do bad thins 2 me if I post chaptar 13? Well, fin. THEIR IS NO CHAPTAR 13!**(Imagi: My God. How much can this b**** prove she stupid? Me: All of it.)**

Also my KRISSmes brake is ovar now so im beck in scol. That mens im in Mr Jonsons class agen and he alredy sed that Becky was rite abot sumthin wen she razed her hand and ansared a questan (She sad that humens wer in the primat ordar OFF COARSE MR JONSON WUD THANK THATS RITE**(Lucina: What, that theory that monkeys evolved into humans?)**) but sed I was ron wen I ansared a difrant questan (I sed that see spanges are pants but Mr Jonson sed they were anemals. I men he evan brot a ded on into class 2 sho us and it CLERGY wasnt an enemal**(Narrator: You, are stupid. They don't need organs to be animals.)**) latter. LIBRUL BYASS!**(Me: WE DON'T CARE!)**

* * *

CHAP 14: THEIR IS NO CHAP 13

**(Me: Sure their isn't.)**

I was scarred abot the four hoarsemans cumin 2 get me wile I slapped. Lauren and I had 2 take turds been awake so that noone culd snek upon is. Lauren was relly pritty wen she sleped but I didnt kiss her on the lips becuz that is what lesbans do and im not a lesban. Also noone snacked upon us that nite.**(Imagi: You know, I think she's a lesbian! Narrator: [In a top hat and holding a cup of tea LIKE A SIR.] You don't say good chap?)** The naxt day I was lissening 2 Rash Limbag on the radio with Lauren and Lank and Oak**(Me: BEFORE THAT DOUCHE ASKS, I'M A BOY!)** and I reelized wat the for hoarsemans were dong last nite.**(Me: Probably having more fun than us...)** "Today acorn**(Lucina: DAMN YOU ACORN!)** rugged the electron in Germeny so that Adolg Hetlure is now there presadent agen. They also riged it in Asia so that Mosey Dong is now presadent of Asia agen to.**(Imagi: ASIA'S THE CONTINENT YOU RACIST A**HOLE!)** And they also got King Jorge the Thud electred King of Britainland agen by latting Mikey Moose**(Narrator: He sounds like Mickey Mouse's retarded cousin.)** vote. Also Mr Jonson is now the principle of my frend Saras scool in Soth Caralena becuz Obaba premoted him.**(Me: That's not how it works...)** He also fired all the good Christen teechers and replaced them with otter athists like Charls Darwen and Ricard Dawkans and Lennon and Clare Marx and his bruthers," Russ Limbog said.**(Narrator: WHEN DID HE BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE?!)** "Ono!" I said. Not onley was Barak Ovary**(Lucina: **_**Snicker!**_**)** the dictater of America and Zelda was the rular of Hirol but now Germeny and Asia and British and My Scule were also ran by evul pepole. I wasb afeared that evantully the entare world wod be run by comanism. "We shud tell the otter Christens in the Manshan" Kink sad.**(Imagi: THE F*** IS WITH YOU AND OTTERS?!)** "No they must of alredy lassened 2 Rosh tell it" Lauren sed. I new she was rite.**(Imagi: They're actually too busy fighting over breakfast...)** "But we ned 2 do sumthin" Ick sed.**(Me: Kill Sara, then sacrifice her to Satin.)** "I no" I sed "but we cant do anythin rite now becuz were all the way in Nentendor World and their in the reel world. Its not essay 2 go betwin them I neded God himself 2 do it."**(Narrator: FINALLY, SOMETHING SHE CAN'T DO!)** So we want 2 Chikfela agen to help fite the gay ajenda. We culled the otter Christens their so we had a huge meting 2 discus. We were all relly scarred by what happaned that day.**(All: So are we.)** We neded a plane for what 2 do but it was hard becuz of how far awey the reel world was from Nintando World. We preyed 2 God 2 show us the whey becuz we didnt no wat 2 do. God sant us a massage.**(Imagi: MADE OUT OF KNIFES! MWAHAHAHA! Me: DAMN IT IMAGI, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT WATCHING CHEESY MONSTER MOVIES?!)** "Dont wory" God sed "u dont have 2 go to them theyll cum 2 u evantully. I no becuz im God and I no everthin thatll evar happen. U just ned 2 trane so that u can bet them."**(Me: [Cocks shotgun.] I call for target practice!)**

* * *

**Shorter than expected... BUT, WE'RE AT 630 VIEWS!**

**(Confetti Poppers pop.)**

**Come on, we need more!**

**Imagi: Fine. PARTY CANNON V2...**

**Crap...**

**Imagi: CONFETTI CANNON!**

**KA-BLAM!**


	14. Defying physics! :I

**TOKYO DRIFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTT!**

**(Author tries to drift in Lucina's car, but crashes in to the wall.)**

**CRASH!**

**Ah crap...**

**Lucina: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!**

**(Author stares at her for a couple seconds, before replying.)**

**Box Profit.**

* * *

My parants r so STUPED.**(Me: Like Mother, like daughter.)** Laurens birthdey is on Janary 26 and then Velantens Day is on Febrary 14. And my parants onely gave me $1000 for both togetter. I wanted $1000 4 EECH!**([Spittake.] All: HOW DO YOU THINK MONEY WORKS?)** I cant by pore pepole**(Imagi: Why?)** close 2 Lauren she desarves mor then that. Shes tuning 14 (isnt it cul that my BFF is a yer oldar than me?**(Narrator: Not really.)**) and shell be gong 2 hi scule next yare wile ill onley be in ate grad. Im afeared that Lauren well fine a new BFF in hi scule and forgat abot me.**(Lucina: RUN LAUREN, WHILE YOU HAVE A CHANCE!)**

CHAP 14-2: THE FURST HOARSEMAN

**(Me: That sounds so stupid...)**

* * *

I was gong 2 anotter doble dat 2 Chikfela with Lauren and Lunk and Uke. We wer waking 2 the restarant wen suddanly we turd arond and the ANTIRE BRETISH MILTRY WAS SNEKING UP BEHIND US.**(Imagi: HOW THE F*** DOES AN ENTIRE ARMY SNEAK UP ON FOUR PEOPLE WHO ARE NEAR A RESTURANT?!)** They wer all in ther red cots and marking in strate roes with there muskrats and they had drummar boys to kep them marcing in rithum. They had cum outta nowere.**(Narrator: STOP DEFYING THE LAWS OF PHYSICS DAMMIT!)** "Were gunna bloody kill u old chap" the genital in charg of the Britush miltary sed.**(Lucina: Here we go with bulls***.)** "no u aint" I sade. "yes we bloody r" the genital sad.**(Me: Heh.)** "no u aint" I sid. "YES TEHY BLOODY R U WANKARS!" sudanly I saw King Jorge the Thurd ranning up 2 us.**(Imagi: That escalated quickly.)** "Ono were undar ateck!" I sed.**(Lucina: Nah, the army was there for decoration.)** Likn and Iek drewed there sords and Lauren and Me got in a fitting posse. "BLOODY KILL THAM" Kin Jorge said.**(Narrator: PLEASE.)** "bloody ok" sade the genital and son like a millan muskats wer ponted at us.**(Me: Alas, you'll probably just pull some Matrix bulls***.)** We startad fitting the Bretosh Milatry lukly it taks a reel lon tim 2 relode a muskrat so we cold like stab them and punk them and stuff wile they wer buzy dong that.**(Imagi: Isn't that what they made bayonets for?)** We mangered 2 beet alota them by dong that. Howevar their were 2 many of them. Sun it was clare that we were defeet. The Bratish luned us up in a row so they cold kil us by faring skwad.**(Me: YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!)** "bloody 3... bloody 2... bloody 1..." the genital sed. We tred 2 dog the bullats and Lauren and Ike mangaged 2 but I trepped and falled don so Link shelled me frum the muskat ballots. He was shat like a bajillian tims.**(Lucina: Oh f*** no. [Ring ring ring!] Me: Hello? Link: WHAT THE F***?! Me: [Hangs up.])** "I luv u Sara" Link sed.**(Imagi: We hate you Sara.)** "I luv u 2 Link becuz ur a guy and im strate"**(Me: AND THAT'S IT?! WHAT THE F***.)** I repled. And than Link ded. I was vary upsat abot this becuz he was my bofrend and I was vary attrected 2 him.**(Narrator: She doesn't even cry. She's upset. You b****.)** "ILL KILL U ALL THE BRITASH MILATRY!" I sade.**(Imagi: No you won't.)** "no u bloody wont" King Jorge said.**(Imagi: See?)** Than I stareted ranning firs and bronystone from hevan on the Britash Miltry. "I say!" they solders sad as they were crashed or burst into flem.**(Narrator: Yes yes, very good old bean!)** "No now im bloody ded agen" King Jorge the Turd sad as I kelled him "but u wont stap the othar bloody 3 hoarsemans!"**(Me: Now that I think about it, I wonder what Great Britian's reaction was?)** Once King Jorge was ded the British didnt have 2 fit us anemore.**(Imagi: WHY THE F*** NOT?!)** "Your r bloody hero u wanker" they sed "bloody thank u Sara"**(Lucina: Um, did I miss something?)** But I was stil sade abot Link been ded now. "Were all bloody sorry abot killing Link" the Britush genital sad "well halp u with the blody funarel."**(Narrator: Sure didn't seem that way when you shot him with, and I quote, "A bajillian tims.")** So the Britash Militry came bak 2 the Manshan with us so that they cold help with Links funarel wich was the naxt day. It was a vary sad day and wen it was don the Britesh Miltary left 2 return 2 Enguld becuz they neded 2 elect a new king agen.**([Knock knock.] Me: Oh f***. Link: LET ME THE F*** IN BEFORE I BLOW THE PLACE UP. Me: WENDELL, ATTACK! Wendell: Do I look like a German Shepard?)**

I was still scurred frum ranning into King Jorge on the wey 2 Chikfela so that day me and Lauren and Ike and Clod (my new bofrend becuz Link was ded and Marth was stil gay) ordared piza delivary from Popa Jans (they hat Obamacar so there a gud plaec 2 eet 2) insted.**(Me: Never had Papa John's. Though I question anyplace that serves you.)**

* * *

**Link: F***ING LET ME IN ALREADY.**

**Narrator: No.**

**We may be here a while. But remeber, in two chapters, you, as any movie monster you want to be, can kill Sara.**

**Link: THAT'S IT.**

**Imagi: HE'S PULLING OUT HIS BOMBS!**

**Lucina: We're f***ed.**


	15. Link gets a say! Um, yay?

**Link: My turn.**

**Imagi: (K.O'd.) No pancakes, I'm stuffed. Hey, that's my special area... Okay, go ahead and get the syrup...**

**YOU'RE PAYING FOR ALL DAMAGES YOU D***!**

* * *

U libruls ned 2 stop atecking my storey. Everthin init is a thosand percant troo and I stil dont no wy everone think ima lesban. IM NOT A LESBAN PEPUL!**(Link: And we should believe you, why?)**

CHAP 15: EVUL CLON SARA

**(Me: Wouldn't she be the good guy? Narrator: OH S***!)**

* * *

A few deys aftar Oinks**(Narrator: BACON!)** deth I was wakking threw the Manshan with Lauren and Clod and Uke. I wkald past the room wuth the TV scrans that shood us wen Satin and Omaba brot the for hoarsemans. Their was taking frum insid it agen so I opaned the dore agen and saw that it was stil shoing Subspas World with Obummer (Haha!)**(All: [Deadpan.]Haha. Hilarious.)** and Satin.**(Lucina: PRAISE BE HIS SILKINESS!)** "King Jorge is ded agen" Satin sad. "OMG that sux" Obaja sed.**(Me: No. YOU. DO NOT. MAKE. THE GODDAMN PRESIDENT OF THE U.S. SAY OMG. Link: Calm down man. Me: THIS COMING FROM THE GUY WHO ALMOST BLEW UP MY HOUSE?!)** "I no" Satin sid "nao theres onley 3 hoarsemans and whatif Lauren an Sara an all those oter pepole kill them 2"**(Link: Checkmate.)** "Dont wary my mastars!" Mr Jonson came into The Room.**(Narrator: F*** THAT MOVIE! Lucina: He did not hear them.)** "u have a plane Mr Jonson" Ona,a saod.**(Me: I DO! [Summons Batplane.] GET ON SIDEKICK AUTHOR! Narrator: I can't believe I've stayed with you...)** "Yes" suddanly I WALK IN SUMHOW EVAN THO I WASNT THEIR!**(All: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!)** "ONO ITS SARA!" Satin and Obana pupped their paints.**(Link: I do not want to know how you know.)** "No thes is a clon of Sara" Mr Jonson sed "I mad her in my siense clasrom with the halp of my favortest stoodant."**(Me: OH S***, HERE COMES THE PURISTS!)** Suddanly Becky waked in The Room. Becky is relly stooped but thinks shes so smart becuz she wares glases and gets relly gud grads**(Lucina: Kinda have to be.)** and stuff but shes an athist and a librul and a "femanast" wich relly mens shes a lesban my dad sed wen I aked him wat a femanast was also she has lotsa zots and acme on her fase and shes relly fat to I men I sawd her bying a SIEZ 6 pans frum Targat (lol shes so pore and morbadly obase**(Me: F*** YOU. I WAS CHUBBY ONCE. I STILL HAVE TRAUMA FROM THE TEASING.**) I dont lik her at all!**(Link: WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON.)** "This clon is exectly like Sara EXPECT SHES A LESBAN!" Becky sed.**(Narrator: Because that matters.)** "How didu maek that hapen" Satin sed. "First we mad a normel clon of Sara and than Becky rapped her" Mr Jonson sad.**(Lucina: First experience? 'Oh, everything's so beati- Wait what is she- OH GOD.)** "Iv alweys ben jelus of Sara becuz shes so much pritter and smartar than me and I hav an obveus lesban crush on her so it was fun 2 rap her clon" Becky sid.**(Me: F*** YOU SARA!)** "Can I go kill the reel Sara and than rap Lauren and have a treesam with her an Becky now" Evul Clon Sara sed.**(Link: Okkkkaaayyyy, that's necrophilia. Me: What the actual f*** lady.)** "No u dont hav Reel Saras God Powars since I got her ganetics b4 that hapend so u cant kill her u ned 2 rap her into a lesban 2 so that shell turn into an evul lesban and use Gods on powars agenst him" Mr Jonson sid.**(Lucina: Because that's how it works!) **"Ok" Evul Clon Sara sed "than well have a lesban 4 way aftar I rap my good verson and Lauren"**(Narrator: This is just getting very weird...)** "Thats the sperit" Obaba seid. "I luv u Evil Clon Sara" Becky sed than she and my evul clon startad makin ot wich was DIGUSING becuz evan if I was a lesban WICH IM NOT id dat Lauren becuz shes so pritty and Becky is so uglay. But im not a lesban so I wan 2 dat duds not ether of them evan tho Lauren is my BFF and shes so pritty and I luv her in a frend way not in a romentic 1 becuz im not a lesban.**(Me: Did you hear the desperate struggle of someone who is obviously someone she says she isn't? Rest: Oooooohhhh yeah. Me: Thought so.)** "OK Evul Clon Sara sinc u dont have Saras God Powars Lord Satin and I will giv u ars" Barock Obema sed. So than Omaha and Satin gav Evul Clon Sara there powars.**(Lucina: AND HER CLOTHES TURNED INTO A SATIN ROBE OF BEAUTIFULNESS!)** "Now go 2 the Smash Manshon and rap Lauren and the reel Sara!" Satin sed.**(Link: Way to make her feel good about her existince...)** "I cant wate until thos 2 r lesbans 2" Evul Clon Sara sed "I will hav so much lesban sax with Lauren wen shes a lesban."**(Narrator: Seriously, this is waaaaayyyyy to creepy...) **I new that my clon was NOTING LIEK ME AT ALL wen she sad that becuz im not a lesban Lauren is my BFF not my luver.**(Me: More appropriate? 'WHAT WILL WE DO?!' Or, to quote you, 'Oh no.')**

* * *

**FAAALLLCCOOONNNN...**

**Link: Eh?**

**PAWNCH!**

**(Sends Link into orbit.)**

**AND STAY OUT!**


	16. GODZILLAH!

**Lucina: Um, dude? Imagi's still in the hospital.**

**WENDELL. (Clap clap.)**

**Wendell: WHAT?!**

**COMMENT TIME!**

* * *

U no wats relly funny?**(Me: No. And I don't want to.)** I sed Becky wers a siz 6 paints in the lust chaptar but I checked her pints siez in jim class today and she acsholly weres a SIZ 8 now. Lol she git evan fattar.**(Me: F*** YOU.)** I wer a siz 2 in case ur wondaring. Im trying 2 get 2 a siez 0 lik Lauren.**(Wendell: Her waist must be like this. )**

CHAP 16: EVUL CLON SARA CUMS 2 MANSHAN AND ALSO THE SECANT HOARSEMAN

**(Narrator: Sounds **_**sooooo **_**interesting...)**

* * *

The naxt day I was along outsid of the Manshan loking at all the flowars and stuff becuz they smolled like Lauren and were pritty liek her. It was all pacefel and stuf and I dident c aney dangar. I wuz on hi alurt tho becuz I new Evil Clon Sara wod cum 2 the Manshan son and I wantad 2 be reedy. Butthan wen I luked arond agen I sawed MOSEY DONG THE SECANT HOARSEMAN**(Lucina: There's hype, and then there's stupidness.)** and he was ridding Godzela**(Wendell: Woah, you do not, EVER, say Godzilla that calmly. You gotta say it like this! All: GOZILLA!)** and had a buncha samereyes and nunjas and otter asoan stuff with him. I was all along and scurred and I crayed for Lauren 2 cum sav me but she wasnt nier so I culled 4 my bofrend Clod but he wasnt their ether so I stated culling nams of allthe Christen smasers but I was al along.**(Me: Hehehehheeheheehehheheheheheh HAHHAHAHHAHAhHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!11!11!1!111! Lucina: Getting mah' gun.)** "Noone is here to herp u" Charmen Moo sed. Than Gidzela rored.**(Narrator: Rawr.)** "Ono" I sed. "Now Godzera is gunna eet u" Cheerman Mow "but firsts I wir sand ar of thes sameris and ninjas to kir u"**(Me: WHY? YOU HAVE F***ING GODZILLA, KING OF THE F***ING MONSTERS!)** "Please no" I sed.**(Wendell: DIE.)** "To rate. Rord Satin wir be vary preesed" Charming Moai sid.**(Lucina: ALL MUST PLEASE HIS SATINNESS!)** Suddenly the sameris and nonjas atuked me so I hed to fit tham. I killed like a thosand of eech b4 thay wer all defeet. Than Godzela attecked me buy tring 2 eet me an he wuz so hug that I coldnt beet him normely. So I hed 2 us my finale smosh**(Me: No.)** and turd in2 a angle. I reined divyne furry on Gidzola**(Me: Nonononononoonononononoonononononon-)** and Mosay Dong as an angle and killed them both.**(Me: F**********************************************************************************************************************!)** "u kirred me!" Charmin Mai sed as he dyed. Godzula jus rored and falled ovar. I retuned 2 the insid of the Manshan and tolled Lauren and Clod and Ack and aney utter Christen smasgers I cold fine abot my fit with Mosey Dong an Gozala and the samires and the ningas.**(Wendell: Who did their walling? My room needs some soundproofing!)** Wen I got 2 talling Maryo he wuz confised. "Bat ho wer u outsid fitting Charmun Mos wen u war in her minuets ago" he sed.**(Lucina: Great. Now we're doing a Power Rangers Clone Plot.)** "no I wusnt" I repled. "ya u wer u wen in2 peeches rom 2 take 2 her alon" Maryo sed.**(Narrator: Bye Peach!)** "ONO THATS NOT ME THATS EVUL CLON SARA AND SHES A LESBAN SO PECH IS IN DANGAR!" I yeled. "OMG thats turible" Maryo sed.**(Me: Ya' think?)** So Me and Maro runned 2 Pechas romo 2 trey 2 sav her frum Evul Clon Sara and we mat up with Lauren and Clod and Oke alon the wey. Wen we gut 2 The Room we opaned the dore and insid PAECH AND EVUL CLON SARA WER HAVIN LESBAN SAX! WE WER ALREDY 2 LAT!**(Wendell: THE NON-EXISTANT HORROR OF IT ALL!)** "Ono my gurlfren is a lesban now!" Marui sed. Pach and Evul Clon Sara stapped having lesban sax and luked at us.**(Lucina: No no, finish. It's rude to leave a girl waiting!)** "hi good Sara... and Lauren" Evul Clon Sara stated aprochin Lauren deductivelay.**(Narrator: Because MATH gets you the b****es!)** "Stey bak" Lauren puled ot her crass 2 repealed Evul Clon Sara an Peech. "Lauren! I jus went 2 hav a forsam with u and Good Sara and Becky" Evul Clon Sara sed.**(Me: AND TOTALLY NO NECROPHILIA , BECAUSE I WON'T ALSO KILL MY 'GOOD' SELF!)** "Ew Becky is so discussing!" Lauren sed "shes so fat and stooped."**(Me: YOU WILL DIE TONIGHT SARA.)** "Ino but shes the resin ima lesban so im grateful 2 her" Evul Clon Sara sed. "Wy wold u be grateful 4 the persan who mad u a bad persan whos gong 2 hell" I sed. "becuz im hapey that ima lesban" Evul Clon Sara sed.**(Wendell: And that's what matters!)** "it dosnt matar ho hapy evul maks u ur stil evul and u wil be vary unhapy wen u dye and go2 hell 4 been a lesban" I sed. "wel than ill mak u an Lauren jon me in hell" Evul Clon Sara sed. "Lets ran outa her" Clod sed. So Lauren and Me and Maryo and Clod and Icke runned outa The Room lukily Peech and Evul Clon Sara want bak 2 lesban sax and didnt chas us.**(Lucina: Seriously?)**

* * *

**ALL TROOPS R-**

**(CRASH!)**

**X: HEY GUYS! LOOK WHO I FOUND!**

**Godzilla: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**HOW DID YOU FIND MY HOUSE?!**

* * *

Sara: Iz kiltes GodZillah!

Me: NOT TODAY B****!

X: You still couldn't get your own ride?

Lucina: Why would we pass up on this?

(Everone's on Godzilla, proving that no matter what Godzilla does, It is good.)

Narrator: FIRE!

(Godzilla breathes Atomic Roar, instantly destroying this unholy version of Smash Mansion.)

Sara: HAH! You libruls wil nevar kilt ma!

Wendell: (Breathes fire, burning her, before Godzilla steps on that Sue.)

All: WE WIN! :D

(Rainbows and s*** happen.)


	17. New setup, and stupid people

**Disclaimer: We at Imagination is king studios do not recommend trying anything you are about to see at home. Some stories are dangerous and should be burned instead of read.**

I stell dont no wy everone thanks ima lesban wen im not.**(Me: It's a mystery!)** Been a homasexal is a choys so im not a lesban becuz idont chos 2 be 1. I CHOOZ 2 BE STRATE! Taht wey ill go2 heven an nut hall wichis wer lesbans go wen they dye.**(Me: HOLD THE GODDAMN F***ING PHONE.)**

**SHE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.**

* * *

**Lucina: Sadly, yes.**

**SON OF A **** COVER-**

**Narrator: *THWACK!* DO NOT START THAT!**

* * *

CHAP 17: LONK IZ EN SUBSPAS

I was wakling passed the rom with the TV screans agen and I herd voises cumin frum insid it agen and I went insid the rom becuz the last 2 tims it was impotent.**(AND B- Wait. I think we need a upgrade.)**

* * *

**Guys, this way!**

**(Everyone follows him to a giant theater room, with beanbag chairs, a giant fridge, and a even bigger movie projecter screen.)**

**Lucina: Snazzy.**

**Thank you. ^_^**

**Narrator: (Digging through fridge.) HOLY CRAP. DUDE, you got everything we asked for! Chocolate, steaks.**

**Wendell: Thanks for that.**

**Narrator: Every drink imaginable! I mean, s***, we could stay in here for days!**

**Lucina: Hey, how's the AC?**

**(AC starts to blow cool air in the hot house.)**

**Lucina: Ahhhhh... A+, man. A+.**

* * *

Wen I luked on the screns I saw that Limk was tid up in Subspas World and Bark Obems and Satin wer naxt 2 him.

**(Lucina: **_**AND **_**a new format? Me: Oh yeah. Narrator+Wendell: (Pigging out.)**

"Haha we hav u prisanor!" they sed "and sone well hav a gay guy in her 2 rap u so u tirn gay"

**(Narrator: Um, to Sara/ Her Royal B****iness, aren't the both of you gay?)**

"No that wont work" Loin sed "I new that mite hapen soi pored alota supper gloo in my butte so gay gays coldnt rap me evar becuz there man parts cant getin their wen its close all the tim."

**([Dead silence.] Wendell: What the f*** Link, what the f***.)**

"Ono u otsmart us but we ned 2 fin sum supper glo remuvar well kep u tid up wile we do that" so Satin and Borat Obaema leaft the room. I runned outa the tv scren rome becuz I new I onley had a lettle tim 2 sav him befor Saten and Ohama got the supper gloo removar and I didnt want 2 fale lunk like I falled marp.

**(Lucina: DUDE. You're. SATIN. You are not stopped by Superglue in someone a**crack.)**

I runned don the hellway until I fond Lauren. She wasnt in the Manshan yet wen Marht was turn gay so I new shed be an impotent fector in saven Pink. Hoever b4 I cold talk Evul Clon Sara runned from the otter way.

**(Narrator: LADY. The otters are going to file charges if you keep this up!)**

"Stey away from Lauren Evul Clon Sara" Evul Clon Sara sed.

**(Me: (Pinches nose.) Oh, we are soooooo not doing this.)**

"No ur Evul Clon Sara" I sed.

**(Me: WE ARE. GODDAMN IT.)**

"No im the reel Sara" Evul Clon Sara sed "u r Evul Clon Sara. And ill led Lauren into the safty of r room 2 protact her from u. Fillow me Lauren."

**(Wendell: Do not take note of the giant clam puncher. Me: Ar- are you being serious right now?)**

"No dont lissen 2 her shes Evul Clon Sara and shell jus rap u wen u go2 r room with her" I sed. "I dont no wich on of u is the reel Sara!" Lauren sed "we hav 2 do a test!" "OK" I sed. I new I cold win becuz im the Reel Sara.

**(Lucina: But we do prefer your evil self. **_**MUCH**_** more likeable.)**

"OK" Evul Clon Sara sed. She felled rite in2 the trap becuz I new Lauren wodnt fall for her trikes. Also unlik me Evul Clon Sara was a lesban so she coldnt passibly get the rite ansars 2 questans that a strate gurl lik me wode no.

**(Narrator: What id she asks a question like 'What is the square root of 181?')**

"Firts queston is for thes Sara" Lauren ponted 2 Evul Clon Sara "How ded we first meat."

**(Wendell: They was one hamburger left, and it was fought for by the two war- *THWACK!* Me: SHUT IT.)**

"R mothars wer in Bibal stody togetter so they lerned they had dotters around the sam aeg so on day wen I was 4 an u wer 5 thy brot me 2 ur hose. U wer play legan of zalda the wide wanker on ur gamcoob and it was the furst tim I evar saw a girl playing vido gams evan tho my bruther had a plystashun 2 that he playd Maiden Fitball gams on. U wer waring a gren shit and bloo genes and evan than I thot u wer vary pritty. Wen I spant mor tim with u I stared 2 like vidoe gaems 2." Evul Clon Sara said. ONO! THAT WAS RITE! EVUL CLON SARA MUSTVE HAD ALL MY MAMMARIES!

**(Narrator: I would hope so. Otherwise she'd be a s*** clone of you.)**

"Rite" Lauren sed. Than she turd 2 me "now othar Sara what was the first gam u oned for urself that wasnt ure bruthers." "I got the playstaton 1 gam fenal fantesy steven wich was old evan than 4 my fiveth birthfday that septamber. Thats the gam with Clod inet" I sed "I pleyed it at ur hose erlier becuz ur sister oned it 2."

**(Me: **_**And**_** the one fanboys b**** abput being the best and how anything past Ten was s***. I ACTUALLY LIKED LIGHTNING.)**

"Rite" Lauren sed "sence both of u were rite we hav 2 do a tye braker. Both of u at the sam tim yell the nam of ur favoret stor."

**(Me: My bulls*** senses are tingling...)**

"Victoras Secrete" I sed. I dont acsholly by stuff ther that oftan but I like 2 lok at all the pritty womans in ther catlog and on pictars in the stor but onely becuz I hop 2 lok liek them sumday not becuz ima lesban.

**(Lucina: Then explain... THIS STAIN WE FOUND!)**

"Hom Deppo" Evul Clon Sara sad revelling hersalf 2 be the fak. Lauren stapped away frum Evul Clon Sara becuz we both new that my clon was a dangaros lesban.

**(Wendell: WE GET TI ALREADY.)**

"Ono u fond me out!" and Evul Clon Sara runned away.

**(Narrator: YA' DON'T SAY?!)**

I telled Lauren abot how I saw Link captared in Subspas so we had 2 sav him. We fond the otter Christen smaserrs and prepaired 2 goto Subspas agen. Hopfully thes tim turd ot bettar.

**(Me: Wait, what? Was 'Evil Sara' just chilling there while you freak over your stupid a** boyfriend?)**

* * *

**Imagi: Woah...**

**Narrator: Ah, you're back!**

**Hey guys...**

**All: What?**

**ALMOST 1,000 VIEWS!**

**All: F*** YEAH!**


	18. Saving Link's dumb a--

**Lucina: Aaahhh... I could die right now...**

**Narrator: BACK THE F*** OFF.**

**Imagi: THE PIZZA'S FOR EVERYONE DOUCHEBAG!**

**Lucina: Though they still do stupid s***...**

* * *

Im so scarred 2day.

**Lucina: And we aren't?**

Laurens sister Leslie was bak form collage 4 this wekend and she was waching a sho on her commuter called Baffy the Umpire Slayar wich is a relly old shoe abot lesbans.

**Me: NO. BACK. THE F***. OFF.**

She sed she burrowed the complet DVD sat from on of her collage frends. Im afeared that LESlie (c its rite ther in her nam) was turn into a lesban at collage wich I herd happans 2 good Christen gurlsd sometims.

**Narrator: See, this is why no one liked you Sara. You was a b****.**

This gos alon with her votin 4 that gary jonson guy insted of Mit Roomba.

**Imagi: Fighting for Vacuums' rights since 1982!**

I hed 2 slep relly clos 2 Lauren in bed so her sister coldnt rap us wen we seeped. But Laurens sister is still here and shell be back in 2 weks 4 Laurens birthday whatif her "presant" 4 her sister is LESBAN SAX!

**Me: Three things. 1, that's incest. 2, get. THE F***. Over it. 3, who the f*** thinks it'll matter if you're there when a rapist makes a bed call?!**

CHAP 18: RETUNE 2 SUBSPAS

**Lucina: AKA, the quest to save Link's dumb ass.**

* * *

**Lauren** and Me got Clod and Icke and Ton Lik and Pet and Nads and Lookus and Maroi and Looeg and Sonak and Mastur Chafe and Kurby and Kang Deedee and we all want 2 Sunspas 2 sav Loink. We new it was dangares becuz their ware moar gays and lesbans in Subspas then in Sen Fransisko also Stain and Brick Obsma wer their and they war the evullest pepole 2 evar live.

**Narrator: BACK AWAY FROM SAN FRAN.**

We got 2 Subspas and wer insanely swarned by enemas. They atecked us but we fot back. I used my God powars and Lauren used her awsamness and Clod used his ginormes sord and ded omneslush and Icke used his sord 2 and so did Tone Loc. Pet baneshed the bad guys 2 hell and Nas and Lucius used there magek powars.

**Imagi: IT'S PSI LADY! WHAT, PSYCHICS IN LEAUGE WITH SATAN OR SOMETHING?!**

Maro and Logi shat furballs and Sonec turn in2 a bull 2 hit the evul pepol. Master Chef shat them with a ton of gans and Kirb and Krang Deedee used big hamas. It was a reel difecult fit but we 1. Than 2 Germane gay guys with blod hare and blo eys atecked us and they had sastekas and I new that Hitlar the thurd hoarseman had 2 be nearbye.

**Me: (In random swivel chair, swiveling and giving the bird.**

"Helo Sara" Hetlur sed "i dident excep her 2day."

**Lucina: It's like no one should ever come here!**

It was Hitlur and he had his notzee army of Germen gays and lesbans with him! "Were here 2 save Limp!" I sad. "But u will fale since u cant beet the powar of comunism and gayness and LORD STAN!" Hurler sade "NOTZEES ATACK!"

**Imagi: ALL SHALL PRAISE LORD STAN!**

"Yes mine furor" the notzees atecked us. Than Hitlar pulled ot a jont of pat and begun smoking it. "Dont do drugs Hitlor or u will go2 Hell" I sed.

**Narrator: No, it INCREASES BOSSNESS.**

"I wont stop becuz im evul. B4 I changd the nam of Germeny 2 the Savet Onion I chaned it 2 Dutchland so I culd smok wed in amstardam evary day (if u lissen 2 his speches he sas Dutchland alota tims but nevar Germeny)" Hiter sed. I woldve talked 2 Hitlir mor abot hoiw drugs r bad but I had 2 fite the notzees he sant 2 kill us. King Deedee was hitten the notzees with his humor wen HITLIR SNEAKED UP BEHID HIM AND RAPPED HIM AND TUNED HIM GAY! Than we had 2 fite King Deedee 2. Wen we won I pushed Hitter of the ege of Subspas intoo oblevyon. Now Mr Jonson was the onley hoarseman left.

**Me: A **_**LOT **_**of bulls*** just happened. First. Imagi: SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY! Lucina: Second, Bye Dedede! Narrator: Third, insert obligatory Lion King reference here!**

Aftar Hetler was defeet we runned 2 the room were Likn was and he was stil ted up. "Sara! U cam 2 sav me!" he sade. B4 I cold unty him I hed 2 check his butte 2 c if ther was still supper gloo in ther I tolled Icke 2 do that and he did.

**Me: WHY?!**

"Yep theres still supper gloo" he sed. So I cute Linl free. Jus than Satin and Barko Bama return with the supper gloo remouver.

**Narrator: Oh for-**

"stop them they r escap!" Satin sed. Than sum gay guys jumped ot and stated rapping Clod. I new it was 2 lat 4 him so we all had 2 ran away with Libk. We managed 2 get back 2 the Smash Manshan but we wer 2 tired 2 goto Chikfela so we ordared Pupa Jons pezza agen but we didnt tup the delevery guy becuz that encorges lazyness 2 giv muny 2 pore pepol.

**Me: Which means every homeless person is a lazy piece of s***.**

* * *

**Narrator: ON THE COUNT OF THREE!**

**(Imagi and the Author are in shopping carts, with pooltable sticks for jousting.)**

**Narrator: 1!**

**Wendell: 2!**

**Lucina: 3!**

**Author+Imagi: Engarde!**


	19. AND THAT'S BULLS---!

**Disclaimer: B****iness levels dangerously high. ABORT.**

* * *

I spant anotter nite at Laurens hose lukily Laurens sister still hasnt rapped us and shes leavin 4 collage agen 2day. Im afred that shell try 2 turn Lauren and maybe alos me into a lesban at Laurens birthday party tho.

**Me: She's not gonna just f*** her on the cake you know.**

Maybe I shod bui Lauren sum pepar sprey 4 her birthday justen case (but that wont be her onley gift becuz im a good frend but not her lesban luver).

Alos I dont no wy everone thinks ima slit slyts ar gurls who have sax with bois b4 marreg and iv nevar evan wanted 2 do that. Iv nevar evan wantad 2 kiss a boi b4 marrage.

**Lucina: AND THAT'S BULLS***!**

Also they were cloths that sho of there big sexay bobs and there buttes in ordar 2 put lesban thots in the mines of strate Christen gurls like me that we hav 2 prey 2 mak stop.

**Imagi: Um, what are we talking about again?**

* * *

CHAP 19: GOALITH THE RELLY BIG EVUL GUY

**Narrator: AND I'M THE GUY WITH THE ORANGE HAIR AND A SWORD! YAY!**

* * *

The naxt day Samas and Zekda and Paech and Evul Clon Sara wer having a lesban orgie in the cafatirea of trhe Manshan.

**Me: Five bucks Captain Falcon has his rape face on. Lucina: You know he's gay in this story right? Me: ... F***!**

"Stop thes" Masgter Han sed "their is a rul in the Manshan no lesban orgys in the lanchrom."

**Imagi: Oddly specific...**

"No we wont stop" Evul Clon Sara sed. "Sara? Ur a lesban" Muster Hen sid. "No im not!Q" I yalled ovar frum my table "thats Evul Clon Sara"

**Me: Doesn't everyone? Lucina: Q!**

"U hav a evul clon" I relized noone told Mastar Hans abot Evul Clon Sara. "Yea" I sed. "U ned 2 tell me wen Evul Clon Sara cum to Manshan" Mister Ham saud "theres lotsa papurwerk that neds 2 be dun whenevar theres a new smashar."

**Narrator: AAAAWWWWWWWWWWW...**

"BUT SHES NOT A SMASHAR SHES MY EVUL CLON AND SHES LIBRUL AND A LESBAN AND A ATHIST AND SHES TRY 2 RAP ME AND LAUREN!" I sed. "I dont care we ned 2 be tolerate" Mastet Hadn sed. "No u cant tolert the gay agend theyll tune ever1 into gays and lesbans if u dont sand them 2 prisan until they die and goto Hell" I sed. "Stop been a homophone Sara" Mastur Hand sed.

**Narrator: YYYYYYYIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!**

"U r wrung!" I starmed off angerly and Lauren and Lank and Oke fellowed me. I coldnt beleve that Master Han was been so unresinable and I hatted him so much for goin agenst God by tuning a blond eye 2 the gay aganda. I waked passed the TV scran rome agen and herd talken agen. I want insid and loked at the screns but Beckys fat butte tooked up half the scren and her ginormes zits taked up the other half. She was wennin the award form the genius book of word retards both 4 her fatness and how big her zots r. Than the award giver persan left.

**Me: (Gets off phone.) Hey, they called, yeah, um... They want you for Most B****iest person in existance!**

"Im vary unheppy!" Staten sed "Hitlar and Moai and Kang Jorge r all died and Lonk escape b4 we cold turn him gay." "Dont wary Lord Satin" Mr Jonson sed "Me and Becky crated a new savant 4 u. His nam is Goleth lik the big guy in the Bibal who fot Kin Daved expect this Goalith wont die frum a slinshat becuz I spraid him with slinshat repealant."

**All: (Facepalm.)**

Suddenly a relly relly big guy waked into the rom. He was relly big and like tem fetts tall and his mussels wer hug. "Bloody das boot kawaii!" he sed. I new he had 2 be haf Bretash haf Germen and haf Aslan.

**Lucina: SOMEONE GET A MATH BOOK!**

That cold onley meen he was mad frum the DAN of the othar 3 hoarsemans. I remambered how scurry difecult thos 3 fits were and was vary afeared abot havin 2 fit sum1 with the combened abiletys of all 3 of them.

**Narrator: Sooooo, pretzels, fish and chips, AND Fried Rice Ball?! YESH.**

"I mad him frum the DNS of Hutler and Mosey Dong and Kang Jorge the Turd alon with a buncha othar comunits ajnd than I replased his blud with sterods so hed get relly relly big lik he is" Mr Jonson sid.

**Lucina: You should be dead or the Hulk. Seriously.**

"Wanker sourkraut banzai!" Goileth sid.

**Me: I can do that too! GATO BONJOUR F*** YOU!**

"Now Becky u must go 2 the Smash Mention and take Goaluth with u to beet up Sara and Lauren so u can rap them" Borak Osama sed. "OK" Becky sed. Than she and the relly big guy laft the rom. She was so fat that it was hard 4 her to fit thro the door also she coldnt see it becuz she forgat her glases becuz shes so stooped. Mr Jonson had to leed her 2 get tham. I new I was in sirius terible if I runned into Gouldeth.

**Imagi: Seriously, they're waiting for you, the GWR people.**

* * *

**IN FIVE CHAPTERS!**

**(Puts up hand.)**

**WE DOING IT!**

**Lucina: You have no idea for the theme do you?**

**Ummmm...**


	20. PUNCH HER IN THE OVARIES!

**(SLAM.)**

**WHO. THE F***. ATE MAH BURGER KING?**

**Imagi: Lucina.**

**Lucina: Imagi.**

**(Both look at each other.)**

**(Author cracks knuckles.)**

**Narrator, call 911...**

* * *

**Samus+Link: WHY AM I HERE. Narrator: **_**Someone**_** went overboard... Me: (Calmly eating a Original Chicken.)**

Hay I hav a queston. I hav a frend nam Lara and she has a BFF Sauren and they r both strat Christens and they lik 2 huge ech odder adn held hans but in a strate way (wich is perfactly nomel 4 strate gurls 2 do). Butthan alova sadden last evning Lara and Sauren were in Saurens rom doin all that an than they sidenly kised each odder on the lups. How lung wod they hav 2 prey 4 God 2 forgave them and 4 the evul urgas 2 do that agen 2 go awey?

**Me: I'd say do it and let only the pillows watch!**

Agen these 2 pepole im taking abot r Lara and Sauren NOT Me and Lauren but nun of the 4 of us r lesbans.

I herd of sumthin relly cole in englush clas 2day and I thenk ill put it in thes storey now.

**Narrator: HAH. YOU, TAKING ENGLISH?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!**

CHAP 20: GOLATH CUMS ALSO BECKYS RELLY FAT

**Link: And you're a b****. Now that we got that out of the way, let's continue on...**

The nexr day I was train with Lauren on the Finial Dissertation stag. Her lon bron hare blewed in the brez as I starred in2 her depp bloo eys. Even tho we ABSALUTLY R NAT LESBAN LUVERS were still BFFs so it was difecult 2 hav 2 fit her evan if it was only jus 2 trane.

**Samus: PUNCH HER IN THE OVARIES! Me: Should I censor that...**

Evantilly Lauren wan and we laft the aroma. Suddenly Libk runned up.

**Link: AW HELL NAW!**

"Manshan is undar ateck!" he sad. We runned 2 the frant dore 2 the Manshan. I excepted it to be Goleth an Becky and I was rite. The antire Manshan was shuken like an erthquack from the wate of Goalths mussels and Beckys obasety.

**Samus: IS IT DECAYING FROM YOUR B**** A**?**

Suddanly Goaleth moshed thro the frunt dor. "Bloody blitskreeg karaty" Geliath sed. Lonk tred 2 het Galith with his sord but was noked away. Than Ike tred that 2 but was noked away 2. The sam thin happened wen Tin Lenk tryd that. Pit tred 2 use his heven bow but Golsath runned ovar and knacked him unconshus. Than he knacked ot the otter Christen smashers expect for Lauren and Me. Wen he tred 2 ran tords us 2 Becky stapped him.

**Link: (Pulls out sword.) AND SHE DIES. Me: *THWACK!* Sit down!**

"No. I went tham 2 be awak wen I rap tham. Ty tham up" Becky sed. Goalith grab sum rop and ted Me and Lauren up.

**Narrator: No bulls*** power now huh!**

"Sara Im gonna rap Lauren fisrt. I want u 2 hav 2 wach as ur BFF becums a lesban in luv with me. Than Ill rap u 2" she sed. "no stey away" Lauren sad. Goleth waked ovar to held Lauren stil but he was suddenly shat! I loked ovar 2 were ballot cam frum and I saw it was my bruther Josh.

**Samus: GOOD GOD THEY'RE MULTIPLYING. Me: Never assume her bulls*** is through.**

"Get awey form my sistar and her frend" Josh sed. Sudanly the son Reel Amerkan by Huck Hogen startad playen (My bruther werks ot 2 this son alot. Its anoyin sum of the tim wen im tryen 2 do sumthin eels but the musac fils up the hose. And wen Me and Lauren r togetter 2 do normel strate girl frend thins the musac roons the mod. But thes tim its god becuz hes their 2 sav us. Also hes an ant hero wich I herd abot in englash class 2day wich mens he can do stuf that normel heros like Me and Lauren cant).

**Me: I H- um, actually, I got nothing...**

Josh put an AR fiften undar ech arm and opaned fir on Goaleth. Wen he shat all the bulets he throed the gans aside and garbed 2 rockette lanchers and fird the rockettes than he throed sum groinaids. Al of this injared Goalith and scarred him away. He tred 2 shat Becky 2 but she was so fat that the bullet just bonced of. She runned away anyway tho.

**Me: OH! THAT IS NOT HOW FLESH WORKS!**

Aftar Josh unted Me and Lauren Mastar Hanes and Crapy Han flayed in. "Wats gon on here?" Mastur Hen sed.

**Samus: THE F*** WHERE YOU TOO? KINDA FAILING YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION.**

"I jus savd ur manshan and ur smashers u stooped glov" Josh sad. "That was amazin" Mustard Hans sed "do u want 2 jon the smashers? Ill get tha papurwerk." "No I werk along" and so Josh walked ot the frant dor of the manshan "Ill cum back 2 protact my sistar wen she neds it but I dont wanna lessen 2 anyuns authorety but Gods."

**Me: Aw, crap... We've got **_**THESE**_** kinda people...**

And son Josh was gon.

**All: Yayz.**

* * *

**I HAVE IT! BE NORMAL!**

**Lucina: Wha-**


	21. So short

**ANNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDD... PREGNACY SOLVER!**

**(Falcon punches Samus and Link out the house.)**

**WHOO!**

**Wendell: I get Lucina's place I guess...**

* * *

Im starten 2 get scarred that Bjork Obema and the librul medea mite find thes storey and mak fenfacshunnat

**Me: O.o What the f*** is that?!**

tak it don so no im on the wating lest 4 anutter sit call archev off r on wich ill put a bakip of this on for if the libruls remov my storey her 2 silance me I cam contenu it their. I wilnut be sillans Brak Obuma!

**Wendell: I have duct tape! :D**

CHAP 21: THE GUD TEECHER

* * *

It was a fwe days latter and Josh was stil in hidan and we coldnt fine him. So I went on anuther doble dat 2 chickfela with Lauren and Lunk and Ije. I was eetin my fod wen sudanly a famelar persan I wasnt excepting cam and sat naxt 2 me.

**Narrator: You could call stranger danger too...**

"Hi Sara" she sed. "Hi Tiffany" I sed back. It was my englash teecher Miss Dawson but I call her Tiffany evan tho in reel life shes ben tell me 2 stap dong that 4 moths and ses shell giv me a dameret if I doit agen. In this storey shes ok with it tho. Shes relly patent with me evan tho I hav dislexa and wratin is hard.

**Imagi: Pretty sure that aint it...**

She evan lets me cum in aftar scule sumtims 2 get help with wrating. I thank that mens wer frends. I thank dislexa is a chalunge that God mad 4 me jus like he mad girls so much mor atrective than bois so thet steying strate wodnt be 2 esy for me and id hav 2 werk at it. Im try hard 2 overcum both chelenges so I can hav a gud life and than goto hevan. Shes also yung and pritty 4 and smells nise. The onely bad thin is that shes engag 2 Mr Jonson of al pepole in fact I wrot the first chaptar of this storey aftar she cam into class and telled us she was engage. Most of the girls in my class r made abot the engagmant becuz they think Mr Jonson is hawt 4 sum resin but hes an athist librul and hes not gud enuf 4 Tiffany.

**Me: B****. She can marry who she want. M'kay?**

"I jus braked up with Mr Jonson becuz hes evul" Tiffany sed. "Cool" I sed. So we all want back 2 manshan togetter. Wen we git 2 the Manshun and Mister Ham flewed up. "Sara u ned 2 stap brinen new pepol her" Matter Han sed "espeshully withot dong the paparwerk."

**Narrator: Seriously, he's getting carpal tunneling.**

"Master Hanes ur such a jurk why do u hav 2 be that wey" I siad.

**Wendell: Because I am yo' superiour BIYATCH!**

"Its ok Sara" Tiffany sed "Ill do thes relly big globe thins paparwerk."

**Imagi: GET A NECK PILLOW!**

And so Tiffany left 2 do that. I went 2 the TV scren rom agen 2 see if the evul pepol wer up 2 anythin. Mr Jonson luked sad. "My gurlfrend braked up with me becuz im evul" he sed. "Thats ok we shuld probebly tell Samas 2 rap her into a lesban aneway" Barick Amoeba sid.

**Wendell: She's still here? Wow.**

"Yea go do thet now Becky Samas is prolly in Hom Deepo becuz shes a lesban" Satin sed. "Ok" Becky sed "I was gon 2 goto their aneway becuz ima lesban 2. Wen Miss Dawson (shes not god enuf frens with Tiffany 2 call her by her furst nam) is a lesban shell go bye Ms Dawson becuz thats wat librul lesban womens do and than shell giv Sara a F and rap her."

**Me: THE INHUMANITY! Imagi: NOT REALLY! Me: I KNOW! Imagi: WHY ARE WE YELLING?!**

And so Becky laft 2 goto Hom Deepo. I was scarred agen. I had 2 protract Tiffany form becom a lesban! Id stap her befor she got 2 Hom Depo but im strate so I didnt no were the neerest on 2 the Manshan was and evan if I did that plaec wold sertenly be fill with 2 many lesbans so I just had 2 protect Tiffany by stayen neer her.

**Narrator: Or... people who needed gardening tools...**

I want 2 tell everone abot wat I saw. Lauren and Lenk and Icke jonned me in protect Tiffany frum been rap by Samas.

**Me: Geez that was fast...**

* * *

**Lucina: I HAVE RETURNED!**

**Yo.**

**Lucina: ACT HAPPIER!**

**Imagi: Yay.**

**Narrator: Yippie.**

**Wendell: Sparklers...**


	22. THE BULLS--- TRULY BEGINS!

**Prepare yourself. THE MOST F***IND BULLS*** SAGA IN THIS STORY YET IS GOING DOWN!**

* * *

B4 u read this chaptar u ned 2 her abot my frist and thenkfuly onely trep 2 Hom Deppo in reel life. I was nin yares old and my dad piked me up from ballot class but he neded 2 stap by Hom Deepo 2 by sum stuff. He woldnt let me stya in the care becuz the Maxekans han ot outsid of Hom Deepo and they wode give me crak and than send me 2 Mexako 2b a chilled prostatoot 4 there drig kartals.

**Me: Oh f*** no.**

* * *

**I'm done.**

**Lucina: Dude-**

**I-I have a life, and I'm not gonna waste it here...**

* * *

So wen I want insid I got board and wondered awey 4 my dad. I got losed and coldnt fin my dad. Son sum woman who werked their waked up 2 me asked me my nam and tolled me shed halp me fine my dad but evan than I new she had 2 be a lesban if she werked at Hom Deepo and wode jus rap me instead of leding me 2 my dad so I tolled her 2 go awey and runned of and twanty minuets latter I fond my father. It was on of the wurst tims of my lufe.

**Lucina: NOW F***ING STAY DOWN! Me: **_**F*** of...**_

* * *

CHAP 22: ASALT ON HOM DEEPO PART 1 THE PLANE

* * *

Aftar I told Lauren and Lunk and Ikd abot wat I saw in the tv scren rome I wated 4 Tiffany 2 get dun with her meetin with Mister Hanes. Wen she was dun she came outsid Mastar Hens orifice.

**Imagi: **_**THAT'S **_**what's at the ebd of his glove...**

"Becky iz gon 2 Hom Deepo 2 tel Samas 2 rap u" I tolled her. "Ono" Tiffany sed "we ned 2 do sumthin" "Dont worry" I sed "Were gonna all protact u" "I thenk that all thes lesbans in Hoem Deppo ned 2 be delt with" Lonk sed.

**Narrator: Or, you could be nice and leave them and the hard working dads be.**

"But their r 2 maney of tham their" I sed. "Thats wy we hav 2 do sumthin" Tiffany sid "Hom Deepo is the fecal pint of all lesban actevity in the ara." "Its 2 dangaros 2 try to fite tham their on there hom terf" I sed. Lauren put her han on my shulder.

**Lucina: Link... You missed your oppurtunity there. Just saying.**

"Dont worry Sara we all belev in u" Lauren sed. "Thank u Lauren" I smoled at her. "So ur atecking Hom Deppo" I tuned tords the dor and Josh was their "how cani help"

**Me: Just show up. That's cool. No call, no text, not even an e-mail...**

"We ned a plane" I sed. "Ill cum up with on" Tiffany sed "jus brin all the Christen smashers 2 a mating room in an ower."

**Imagi: We have a mating room? Lucina: Spa. Imagi: Ah.**

So we wated an owar an than went 2 the meting room with all the Christen smashers. Tiffany had a perjactor huked up 2 a commuter and than she stated shoing us her plane. "firt of all we ned 2 splat up in2 2 teems" Tiffany sed "Ill be staying her as mishon contral and luking at a map of Hom Deepo on the intranet to tell u were 2 go thro walkytalkys. Sara and Josh r the teem captens and u ned 2 salect ur teem members. Sara go furst" "I chooz Lauren" I sed. "I chooz Master Chef" Josh sid. "Link" I sed. "Maryo" Josh sed. "Icke" I sed. "Pet" Josh sad. "Nas" I sade. "Lookus" Josh sed. "Loygee" I sadi. "Tone Lik" Josh saod. "Sonec" I sed.

**Narrator: I think there's a theme...**

That ment Kerby went with Josh. R teems went ovar 2 us as we called tham. Than Tiffany contenued with her plane. "Joshs teem neds 2 fite the Mexakans outsid of Hom Deepo and than baricad the entranses 2 kep renforcments frum ariving. Saras teem will cleer ot all the lesbans frum insid the stor. Wen that part of the misan is complet u ned 2 fined a wracking ball and destroy the stor itsalf ons and 4 all. That well mak mist of the lesbans dispars frum the area."

**Me: Get your wrecking balls, only 29.99! ONLY AT HOME DEPOT!**

"This sonds like a plane" I sad. So we all got reddy 2 go 2 the lesban HQ an tak the fit 2 them.

* * *

**WE WILL NOT DIE! NEXT CHAPTER, WE TAKE THE FIGHT TO HER! GIVE ME YOUR DESCRIPTIONS! YOUR ACTIONS! YOR POOR HUDDLED MASSES!**

**Lucina: Wrong taker.**


	23. Sombreros aren't weapons!

**I HAVE RETURNED!**

* * *

I feneshed shaping 4 Laurens birthday 2day. Hopfully she liks wat I gav her. I havent talked 2 her much in reel life since Sunday but not becuz were akward abot r kiss becuz we didnt kiss and we r strate and not lesbans.

**Me: Why does she think we care? Lucina: Beats me.**

* * *

CHAP 23: ASALT ON HOM DEEPO PART 2 INVASHUN OF HOM DEEPO

**Narrator: We get it!**

* * *

We all aproched Hom Deepo form a hill overloking it. The parken lot was petrol by maxipads.

**Me: *Spittake.* HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Lucina: it's not that funny...**

They wer speckin spanush insted off inglosh becuz they wer inedible imegrunts. Joshs teem runned don the hull 2 tham 2 get there attrition.

**Imagi: You're not supposed to eat them...**

"kay pasta ombray" the leder of the mexakans sed wich was prolly an insalt in there luggage.

**Narrator: Actually, it's "What's up friend?" Or he just thought your brother looks like the shadow of pasta.**

"SPECK ENGULSH!" Josh het the mexakan leeder in the fase. He garbed his sambaro and threwed it lifk a frazbe at Josh but Josh bloked it with his feetbal helmut. Than Josh usd his linbaker skills form fotball 2 tickle the Moxiecan leder. Than the rest of Joshs teem came. They fot the Maxekuns 2. Wile my teem runned into Hom Deepo 2 fite the lesbans.

**Imagi: It's a **_**hat.**_** What were you going to accomplish there?**

"Sara wach ot theres lesbans direct 2 ur left (becuz lesbans 2 leftwong)" I herd Tiffany say threw my walkytalky. She was on a websat of the intranet that shoed were all the lesbans wer in Hom Deepor and alos were I was.

**Me: THEY HAVE THAT? Lucina: *Punches Author.* No you dumb f***.**

I shat the lesbans that wer runnin at me a buncha tims and than Likn and Iek ranned ovar and chipped there heeds of 2 maek shur they wer rilly ded and wodnt cum back as lesban zombis.

**Imagi: CALL TIM BURTON! WE CAN SAVE THIS YET!**

"Now theres lesbans hidin behind the cheekot lines" Tiffany sed. I threwed sum groinaids at the chekoot lins and blowed up the hidan lesbans. Than we sneeked farther into Hom Deepo. Their wer lotsa lesbans in their 4 us to fite. I used my god powars and my dads shitgun. Lauren used marital arts (shes a blokbalt in ty kwahn doe). Lunk shat aros and boms at the lesbans. Icke dekapitated them with his bug sord. Nas used pk fir on them and Loige did that thin were he flays reely far with a headbutte and Sonec runned reely fat and turd into a boll. We wer in hedcarters of lesbans tho so they kep cumin. Than Samas and Zelsa and Peacg and Evul Clon Sara and Becky came. The othar lesbans steeped asid 2 let tham thro becuz they wer the most impotent lesbans.

**Lucina: Hm, yes, we are the Lesbian Queens, now move peasants!**

"Well well luk who came" Samas sed. "I thot the Mexakans wod stap u" Celda sed.

**Narrator: lady, they thought that **_**sombreros**_** were a good weapon...**

"My bruther is fitting tham" I sid. "Well than he will dye all Maxkuns hav drig kartal tranning so they no how 2 fite reel gud" Patch saod. "And were gunna rap u and Lauren 2 mak up 4 all the lesbans u killed b4 r massev orgi 2day" Evul Clon Sara sed.

**Me: I KNEW SHE WAS INTO NECROPHILIA!**

"And than well all go2 the Manshan and rap Miss Dawson and Mister Hanned will letus becuz he is tolarent of r evul gay agrnda" Becky sed.

**All: GO MASTER HAND! WHOO!**

"No ill stap u" I sed. "Ha theres onley a few of u and alota us" Becky sed "and im fat enuff 2 cont 4 lik ten pepole wile u and Lauren r so thin and pritty and stuf."

**Lucina: Seriously, you hate Mexicans, gays, fat people, and anyone who says no to your face. Stop it.**

"But u forgat on thin I hav God on my sid" I sed. "But were athists so we wershap Satin and dont beleve in God" Samas sed.

**Imagi: YOU BELIEVE IN NEITHER!**

"And that wy u well los" I sid "wen God crated the Erth SIX THOSAND YARS AGO he mad sur that gud wold alweys triamp ovar evul!" "Lol ur stooped Erth is billons of yars old nut six thosand" Becky sad.

**Narrator: Don't telling me we're doing this...**

"No ur wron and u libruls r usen ur byasd carban doting 2 lye 2 the pepole and try 2 undmane the werd of GOD!" I sed. I actived my finel smush and gut reedy 2 fite all the lesbans at onse.

**Me: GO LGBT COMMUNITY!**

* * *

**NEXT CHAPTER, THIS BULLS*** WILL BE STOPPED!**

**Lucina: PREPARE YOURSELF!**


	24. LAZY ATTACK!

"Well, we got them..." King turned to see Imagi and Narrator with the help. X, Destiny Willowleaf, and a few others. King grinned before tipping his hat up and greeting them.

"Hello! Now, I assume you know why you're all here."

"We're gonna kill the Sue!" X was twitching, ready to kill Sara with her bare hands. In the back, a Wolfwrath stood with a look of ecitement as well. That would be Destiny Willowleaf.

"WELL WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?! CHARGE!" All go to the Home Depot, with X turning into a dragon, then the Author jumping on her head.

JOSH WAS PULVERIZED. EVERYONE DIED! I WAS LAZY! DON'T KILL ME! D:


	25. Bye Home Depot!

**AND WE'RE BACK!**

* * *

Ho meny tims doi hav 2 say it IM NOT A LESBAN AND NETHER IS LAUREN and im not in dental.

**Me: Sorry for your teeth.**

Also I have anothar day of from skule on Mundy becuz of Marten Loother Kin Day. I forgat what he ded 2 get a holaday but hes blak so he was prolly the first MVP of the NBA or sumthin.

**Imagi: **_**AND**_** that's that RACIST! YOU WIN 1,000 RACISM POINTS B****!**

I wondar if their will be a Lebran Jams day sumday I liek the Mami Heet becuz they wine all the tim and sens all baskatbell tems r filed with libruls I dont have any otter way to chooz wich tem to rout 4.

**Lucina: You could, not watch basketball... I don't!**

CHAP 24: ASALT ON HOM DEEPO PART 3 SARA CONCURS HOM DEPPO

**Narrator: HA! Pay up! Imagi: Why did I think she'd lose...**

* * *

Insanely wen I activeted my finale smish a buncha lesbans leept 2 pine me to the grond but I mad a fors feld that disinterested them.

**Me: Um, she just commited mass murder... LUCINA, ARREST HER! **

Than I fird sum mor beems of hevanly lite that vaparized mor lesbans. Than Peech fgarbed a chansaw frum on off the shelvs and runned at me weth them.

**Imagi: WHO ATE THE BISCUITS?!**

I graped the chansaw blad and riped the cghan of wile it was ranning and than knacked Peech asid an she was unconshus. Son it was cleer 2 them that I hed wone and Becky gat ot her fone and culled Satin and Derek Obauma. Saddenly a porthole opaned up 2 Subspas. "Hurray getin" Oibama sed. Becky and Evul Clon Sara and Samas jumps into the porthole and Zelda tred 2 fillow them but Lonk used the cootball skills that Josh tot him 2 tackal Zelda and the porthole closed b4 she cold get 2 it. Than Oak noked her unconshus.

**Narrator: Peach must have rode a bike indoors.**

"I see onlin that u nocked Peech and Zalda unconshus" Tiffany sid. "Yea" I sed "Shud we kill them b4 they wak up" No. I hav an ida. Ty them up and brin them 2 my rome wen ur dun with destoryin Hom Deppo" Tiffany sade. "ok" I sod. So aftar I got rod of al the lesbans that wer stil in hidden I walked outsid and Link climed into the wreking ball masheen and destructed Hom Deepo. Aftar that was dun we hird a consecration teem 2 build a new shaping mall there and they wold hav gards 2 mak shur gays and lesbans didnt cum inside.

**Me: The bathrooms are suprisingly clean if they do... **

Than we laft 2 retune 2 Tiffanys rom with the unconshud Zedla and Peech. Alon the wat they waked up. "Hey will u leyus go so wecan rap u" Zeda sed.

**Imagi: Zelda, no matter how nicely you ask, they will probably say no.**

"No" I sed.

**Imagi: See?**

"But yule lik been a lesban" Peech sed "Evul Clon Sara is a lesban and shes relly hapy." "But shes gong 2 hell" I sade "I chooz 2 be strate 2 goto hevan."

**Narrator: Maybe it's better in hell. You don't know!**

"U ned 2 stap lissen 2 ur parants their is no haven and Lord Staten will be nise 2 u in hell" Zepda sad. "No Stan is evul and ur a lyar!" I shatted "NOW SHADDAP OR ILL NOK BOTH OF U UNCONSHUS AGEN!" Tesla amd Peevh shat up. Son we retuned 2 the Manshan. "Sara wy did u destruct Hom Deepo" Mastar Hend sed he was watting outsid the frant dore.

**Imagi: Master Hand! Asking the important questions since... sometime ago in the 90's.**

"Becuaz thats were all the lesbans comgragat" I sad. "That dosent mater u ned 2 be tolerate and wy r Peech and Zelda tid up" Matter Hemp sedd. "Becuz Tiffany wants 2 c tham in her romo" I sid. "Why" Nastier Hen sed. "I dont no but it sonds impotent" I sed. "Ok but u ned tobe punash 2 destoryen Hom Deepo. So no mor maches 4 u untel I say so!" Mastar Han flayed of. "I cant beleve Mister Hond.

**Lucina: I can't believe you still get off scotch free...**

"Hes suck a stooped jurk!" Lauren sed. She huged me becuz she new I felt bad abot my unfar punashmant. We toke Paech and Zeald 2 Tiffanys room. "Ok there her" I sed "why dou want 2 tid up lesbans in ur room they mite brake free and rap u."

**Narrator: Maybe she'll be happy!**

"Good Sara" Tiffany sed "Dont wary abot me I hav a gun and Im getin Master Chef 2 be my armed gard (ALL SKULES SHUD HAV ARMED TEECHERS AND ARMED GARDS BARK OBAMAS KIDS SCULE HAS THOS BUT HE DOESNT WANT ANY OTTER SCOL 2 BECUZ HE DOESNT CAR ABOT ANY1 ELSES KIDS BUT HIS ON HE JUS WANTS 2 TAK AWEY EVERONES GUNS). Asfor wy I ned thes to well I ned 2 test thins on tham becuz IM GONA ADVENT A CUR 4 HOMASEXALITY!"

**Me: NO THEY SHOULDN'T! THAT'LL SCARE KIDNERGARDENERS!**

* * *

**HEY! You, with those eyes!**

**Lucina: (Wearing googly eye glasses.) Yes?**


	26. The Vaccine plan

**What the hell am I looking at?**

**Narrator: (Sleeping on Lucina surrounded by Waddle Dees.)**

**Narrator: (Wakes up.) Uh... YOU SAW NOTHING! NINJA VANISH! **

**(Random smoke.)**

* * *

Hello agen everone its Sonday so I hop u all went 2 chirch. If u dont u well go2 HELL!

**Me: What if I slept in...**

I cant beleve its ben a munch sense I publashed this on Fanfectiondotnat. Tim reely files. Thanx 2 everone who laft me gud revews in that tim!

**Lucina: Yes, thank you. You have volunteered as our first heart ripping out experiment on humans!**

This is my furst archev of or onw excloosev chaptar becuz Barik Oboma fond ot abot my storey on

CHAP 26: SNEKING IN2 THE WITE HOSE

* * *

That nite Me and Lauren and Lank and Ice went 2 the Wite Hose in Wassinton CD. We hed 2 thank ofa plane 2 sneek insid. We want 2 the Chikfela in the city 2 talk abot r plan becuz anewere eels wod caus libruls 2 eevsdrap onus and warned Brak Odama.

**Imagi: WHEN THE F*** DID THIS HAPPEN?!**

Sudanly as we were taking Guvaner Mit Ramney and Cangressmen Pal Rain and Speeker of the Hoes Jan Boner waked in2 the restarnt.

**Narrator: HeheheHAHAHAH! I'm sorry, I can't hold it any longer...**

"Hi Sara" Mott Roomie sid. "Hi guys" I sed. "God telled us what u wer dong and asked us 2 help u brake into the wite hose" Andrew Ryan sed. "Yes were also ned 2 get the planes 4 wite slavry becuz were all wite and dont wana be slavs 2 the blecks and the mixalots and the aslans" Guvanir Raimi sed.

**Lucina: Um, isn't there an amendment that states slavery, white, black, Asian, or whatever a Mixalot is, illegal?**

"Cool" I sed "Tiffany sed there in the sam rom." "ok" Congrassmen Reyn sed.

**Narrator: WELL ISN'T THAT F***ING CONVIENENT!**

So we all want 2 the wite hose and entred threw the front dore. Suddenly a buncha libruls atecked us! Me and Lauren and Lkni and Iek and Rian and Boner stated fitting them. Butthan Ramnoy pulled ot alota munny and pade the libruls to leev becuz libruls r pore and lik gettin mony 4 noting. Than we loked 4 Barek Obsamas ovary orifice

**Narrator: **_**Snicker!**_** I'm sorry! I'm too childish!**

becuz that leaded 2 The Room. Suddanly Barak Ebauma cam outta a roon wering pajamas with pictars of Lennon and Stallion and Car Max al with harts around tham.

**Me: Well, he's decaring what he likes...**

"Hey watter u dong in my hose!" he sed.

"Were is the vaksine that cases gayness! Tellus or well beet u up!" I sid.

**Imagi: IT DOESN'T F***ING EXIST!**

Suddanly Brad Obooma puled ot a reed lifesaver! He was a Seth Lird!

**Me: (Headlaptop.)**

It was werd that he was a librul with a red litsabar and im was a consergatev wiyh a blu lutsaber but I guess star wares gotit moxed up. "Go find The Room ill fit the presadent" I tolled Lauren and everone else. Than I startad fitting Brake Obbema. We fot r way 2 the rom in the wite hose with a catwalp ovar labia.

**Narrator: What- (Uses Wikepedia.) Oh, it doesn't exist. Good evidence to you being dumb!**

"Giv up Sara u well loose" Ovama sed. "No Impala I well beet u becuz God ison my sid" I saod.

**Imagi: I want a Chevy Impala...**

"No Im gonna knak u unconshus and than get a lesban 2 rap u so ull be an evul lesban lik Evul Clon Sara" Opana sed. "Wy do u went everone 2 tune gay arent u strate u hav a wife" I sed. Butthan Mishell Obuma runned in and puled don "her" paints and reveled that "she" was a MAP with a PENS!

**Me: OH NO! THE HORROR! SOMEONE D***ED WITH THE MAPS!**

"No u no the trooth" Brock Obana sed. "But ho do u hav 2 dotters" I sed. "In a few yars ill get sugary 2 turn my pens in2 a vegeta and than ill get preggant and giv barf 2 tham and sand them back in tim with r tim masheen" Mishell Ogama sid.

**Lucina: Lady, I feel like barfing too...**

"hunny dont tell Sara abot r tim masheen!" Barek Obamuh sed "it was a gif from Lord Saten!" "Its ok werent u gonna defet her and find a lesban 2 rap her son aneway" Mishell Opana sed "I want 2 tel her sumthin eels first. U mite no me by my old nam."

**Me: Wait...**

Suddanly Mishell Ubama stated monwelking acros the crapwhelk.

**Me: Oh...**

"MIKAL JAKSAN!" "she" sed "I fakked my on deth and tuned mysalf blak agen and pretanded 2 be a women so I cold mary my gay luver Bark Oabma."

**All: HELL F***ING NO!**

"Ull nevar git awey with thes" I sed. "Yes we well" Barok Ohonda and Mikal Jaxun sed. Suddanly Lauren and Lunk and Ico and Renesmee and Reyn and Boner runned passed the dore "we got the vaksine and the savory planes" they sed. So I jamped ovar Bork Odom and Mikhail Jaksan and runned outta the wite hose witjh my frends. Wen we got otsid I telled them the dark secrete I lerned.

"now giv us the planes and the vaksine and well take the vaksine 2 Tiffany and make the planes pubic so wecan impasse Opoona and his gay luver and fail there evul planes" Rimnet set. So we gav the planes and the vaksine 2 the tree consarvetav poletishens butt they stated laffing evully. They riped of there musks and reveled that they werent the reel Matt Ronmey and Pual Rany and Jan Boner atall! They were Becky and Evul Clon Sara and Goleth in disguys!

**Imagi: One of you is good at doing a man's voice...**

"Were r the reel pepole!" I sed. "we tarped them in Sunspas and son Barek Ibama and Mikal Jaksan will rap them and tune them gay so thell be spys 4 the Democrat Party" Becky sed. "We hev 2 sav tham!" Lauren sed.

"Ull hev 2 fite us firts!" Evul Clon Sara sed. She throwed the planes and the vaksine 2 Golath who runned away with them.

**Lucina: RUN B****, RUN!**

* * *

**Narrator: You okay?**

**(Staring at the review list.) Fine...**


	27. KIDNEY PAWNCH!

**Imagi, Imagi, Imagi, Ima-**

**Imagi: WHAT?!**

**... Kidney punch.**

* * *

**Wendell: What did you do? (Pokes the twitching body of Imagi.)**

**Kidney punch.**

* * *

Happy Matin Loothar Ken Day everone! And boo 4 the falsy-elacted presadents secant inebriation!

**Wendell: Falsely elected presi- Oh, Obama!**

I gess Ill be rooting 4 the Revans in the supper boll becuz the 69ers r frum Sen Frensisko so there antire teem is prolly gay. I wantad the Felkans 2 win the NCF Champagneshap but they didnt becuz the reefs prolly were gay 2 and riged the gam.

**Me: Probably not. They must have lost when you wanted them to win.**

CHAPTAR 27: EVUL CLON SARAS FENAL SMASH

**Narrator: But will it be a bulls*** one? That is the question.**

* * *

"Theirs 4 of us and onely 2 of u so giv up" Lauren sed. "And I have the powars of DOG!" I sid.

**Lucina: Obvious reference in 3, 2, 1... **

**WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?! WOOF WOOF WOOF!**

"Well I hev the powars of Saten and Adama!" Evul Clon Sara sed. "They wont be enuf 2 beet nme" I sed. "Yes thay well!" Evul Clon Sara sed. "Ill fite the othars hunny" Becky gave Evul Clon Sara a discussing kis on the lisp. Lark and Spike atecked Becky with there sords but she was so fat that they coldnt cut throo 2 her blud vassals thro her thik layar of obasety. Lauren tred to panch her but her fist bonced of.

**Me: Seriously, how do you breathe?**

Meenwile I was fitting Evul Clon Sara we were evanly powared becuz she was my clon. I new there was onely on way 2 became mor powarful than her. So I actived my finale smash!

**Me: Oh noes, what will Evil Clone Sara do? Wait...**

"Ha! Now u dont steand a chans aganst me!" I sed. But Evul Clon Sara jus stated laffin. Than she actived her finale smash 2. I didnt evan no she cold do that. Her finalle Smash mad her gro a hole buncha wongs lik Stepharoth the evul lady form Clods gam (shes prolly a lesban becuz ho evul she is and she has a manely vois in kindam harts 2).

**Narrator: I... I'm gonna be in a corner wondering what went wrong with my life to be here right now... **

**Wendell: Wait for me.**

"Ono" I sed. I new I was in 4 ther fit of my lief. We stated atecking each otter and I shat holly bemas and she shat demonstrative banes. We war stall evanly powared. So I preyed 2 God 4 advise. "Remamber! Evul Clon Sara cums form u!" God sed. Than I had a idiot.

**Me: No, your parents did. They would've commited abortion, but your bulls*** stopped the tube.**

I plased my han on Evul Clon Saras cheat and apsorbed her back in2 me! Than, b4 my finale Smash wore of I opaned a porthole 2 Hell that suked Becky in. I new Satin wode jus let her ot agen but she wod not have a fun tim 4 the littal bit she was their. Than my finale smash wored of and I falled on the grond.

**Lucina: Wait... Just like *Snaps finger.* that? Well why the hell didn't that happen before when you were fighting?**

"Sara r u ok?" Lauren sed. "U want 2 hav lesban sax Lauren" I herd Evul Clon Sara in my hed. "No im strate!" I shatted. "Wat?" Lauren sed.

**Me: Lauren. Asking the important question everyone had.** **"Wat?"**

"I apserbed Evul Clon Sara 2 beet her but no shes in my hed tryin 2 contral my thots and tune me in2 a lesban!" I sed. "Ono!" Lauren sed. "We ned 2 fin the vaksine 2 mak a cur 4 homasexalty!" Lick sed. "But Golath runned of with it!" Ice sad. Suddanly Josh waked up caring Goaleths savered hed in on han and the vaksine and wite slavry planes in the othar.

**Wendell: Because plot. **

**Me: Or Deus-Ex Josh.**

**Wendell: That too.**

"Hi everone I saw Golith runing with these so I killed him and taked them" he sed. He saw me wrathin in pane on the grond "wats wron with Sara?"

**Lucina: That's murder without a good reason such as self-defense. (Pulls out handcuffs.)**

"RAP LAUREN MAK LAUREN UR LESBAN LUVER RAP LAUREN" Evul Clon Saras thots flewed thro me hed. I coldnt speek (if u evar saw Lord of the Wangs

**Narrator: **_**Snicker... **_**I'm sorry...**

Fallowshep off the Ron wen Frollo gets stab by the cloaky badguy and colapses and they thank hell tune in2 on of tham 2 so the girl frum Armegalodon taks hem 2 the alf town sumthin lik that is happen 2 me in this storey rite now). "Ty... ty... me up" was all I maneged 2 get ot.

**Me: With chains. And then drop her in the Mississippi.**

"We ned 2 tak her 2 Tiffany" Lauren sed. So they ted me up and caryed me bak 2 the Manshan. Will Tiffany fine a cur in tim b4 Evul Clon Sara taks ovar and I becum a lesban? Fined ot naxt tim!

**Wendell: Let's not!**

* * *

**Hey, you guys hear something?**

***BOOM!***

**Samus: I HAVE RETURNED!**

**All: Oh f***...**

**Wendell: Ow...**


	28. We may have made a mistake

**LEAVE!**  
**Samus: No.**

**Son of a b****...**

* * *

Im bak 2 scule agen. Its gud 2 c Tiffany agen but I hav 2 call her Miss Dawson in class or shell giv me a damerit and 3 of thos is a ditenshun and my parants well be made at me if I get on of thos. I relly lik the outfet that Tiffany wore 2day shes almos as pritty as Lauren and shes a relly gud teecher. I wish she braked up with Mr Jonson in reel life lik she did in my storey.

**Me: Well, she has a life that could very easily not involve you. Piss off.**

CHAP 28: TIFFANY FINES THE CUR

**Samus: So, what did I miss? Lucina: So much bulls***. So much...**

I spant the naxt few days in Tiffanys rome. Evul Clon Sara was sloly take ovar my mined. I falt sinfel dasires 2 rap evary women I sawed. But I stell noed it was wron so I wasnt a lesban.

**Narrator: Because that's what a lesb- okay, you know what I'm gonna say. Punchline, laughter, moving on! (Claps hands.)**

Prolly my God Powars protracted me frum lettin Evul Clon Sara complately tak ovar. Butt I new Tiffany had 2 hury. Evantully Tiffany came with a nedle.

**Me: (Intense stare.) Samus: What is he doing? Lucina: Trying to turn it into a poison.**

"Im gonna inject this in u" she sed. "IM GONNA RAP U!" I sed but it was relly Evul Clon Sara contralin my thots.

**Narrator: And I thought I overreacted to needles...**

Master Chef ponted his trankwilezar gun at me in cas I braked free and tred 2 rap Tiffany. Tiffany stucked the nedle in my amr and sudanly I falt a wav of putrefaction clansen my sole of the gayness and son I was as strate as I was b4 absarbin Evul Clon Sara (complately 100 percant strate pepole!).

**Samus: Wait... I'm gay in this abomination right? Me: Correct.**

"It werked" I sid. "Ok thats grate heres a presant" she pulled ot sumthin and handad it 2 me. It was a Hom Deppo gift card. "Ew whyd u giv me this" I throwed it on the grond. "Becuz I had 2 mak sur it relly werked and u werent jus try 2 trik me" Tiffany sed "Unty her Mister Chafe."

**Lucina: I need that! All: ... Lucina: What? I need a good power drill.**

Muster Cheef untyd me wile Tiffany injacted Peech and Zoltan with the cur 2 and tey tuned strate agen 2. "Yay! Were strate agen!" they sed.

**Narrator: Hooray! No one cares anymore!**

"Ok now we ned 2 cur everone" I sid. Furst we fond the pepole who used 2 be consarvetiv (March and Salted Snap

**Me: And yes ladies. It is! Narrator: Where were you going with this joke? Me: I don't know...**

and Kin Deede and Clod) and curred tham. "Hi Sara. Sorry I was gay. Can we dat agen" Marht sed. "Well Im daten Lunk no" I sed.

**Samus: Marth's exact thought: You slut!**

"Its ok ill dat Zeda no that shes strat agen 2" Lonk sed. "ok" I sid.

**Lucina: How? Why? No one can explain, for she has the powers of magical plot convenience!**

"ok were dun no rite" Lank sed. "No we shud do the rite thin and cur the libruls 2" Lauren sed. So we went thro the Manshan curring all the libruls of there gayness and maken tham consarvetev. "Im so sorry I tred 2 rap u al thos tims lets go shaping sumday" Samas sed 2 me wen we curred her "but 2 a gud stort not Hom Deepo."

**Samus: (Evil thoughts... She's probably thinking of a sack of dumb puppies drowning.) Me: Okay... EVERYONE TO THE BOMB SHELTER! Samus: I WILL KILL HER! Me: WE KNOW!**

"I destructed Hom Deppo remamber" I sed. "O yea" Samas sed "but theres other Hom Deepos in the wrold and I dont wanna go2 any of tham anemor." Soon all of the smashars wer curred and wer on r sid. "Saten and Oblama dont stand a chans!" I sed. Sudanly God walked in.

**Me: Hello.**

"Acshully Satin figared ot what u ded and no he sumaned lotsa damons from Hell 2 gard Subspas and there relly powarfel and stuf. U will ned everone 2 halp u sav Mit Rmoney and Pail Rayn and Jin Boner" God sed "and I brot 3 mor allys 4 thes."

**Lucina: Oh yeah, that happened. Somewhere...**

Suddanly the 3 gratest presadents in histary waked in. They war Tomes Jafersan and Roland Regen and Ann Rand! Tomes Jafersan wrot the constatushan and invanted freedam.

**Me: OH F*** NO! THIS B**** DOES NOT CLAIM TO BE AMERICAN AND NOT PUT F***ING GEORGE WASHINGTON OR ABRAHAM LINCOLN ON THAT LIST. Narrator: But she likes slavery...**

Roland Regen defeeted the comies buy knaking don all the walls in the Saviet Onion wich mad the seelings fall on al the comansts and kill them. And Ann Rand wrot Atlus Shagged wichis the most impotent bok evar expect 4 the Bibal.

**Lucina: Um, who's Ann Rand? Seriously, never heard of her. Oh, she's a novelist who came up with Objectivism? AND Russian!**

I new we had 2 hurry if we wanted 2 sav the consarvetav polynesians frum Brock Obumeh and Mikal Jaxan and Stan.

**All: HAIL STAN!**

* * *

**Samus: I WILL-**

***THWACK! CRACK! BASH!***  
**AND THIS IS WHY WE DON'T LET YOU OR LINK BACK IN HERE. YOU DESTROY MY HOUSE! Anyway, anyone up for killing Sara next chapter?**


	29. Your Politician is in another castle!

**Is she gone?**

**Lucina: Yes.**

**Link: Definetly.**

**Both: ... **

**Wendell: How do they keep on getting in here?! (Table flip.)**

* * *

Sory 4 the lat updet.

**Me: Nono. It's good. I heard there was a increase of dog adoption though!**

I hed alota homwerk becuz Mr Jonson wants us 2 do the stuped siens fare and the reely lon repart (lik 5 tiped pages) is doo 2morow. Also I hed anotter tutaring season with Tiffany and she gav me sum lesions 2 do to halp with my wratin. But thats ok becuz Tiffany is a gud teecher. Its reely cold ot I cant wate 4 the wekand wen Ill hav Lauren 2 kep me warm (but not in a lesban way).

**Narrator: HOW?! ALL I CAN THINK OF IS CUDDLING! I MEAN-**

***POW!***

**Lucina: SHUT IT!**

CHAP 29: SAV THE POLATESHANS

**Link: Why? Because we needed a sub-plot! Not a good one, that requires actual thought...**

* * *

Everone want 2 Subspas and there was demans everwere. They atecked us.

**Me: Well, they had to pay the bills somehow.**

I tred 2 fite on but it was extramely powarfel. I coldnt evan hurt it. And there was lik a tun of tham 2 fit! Wen I actived my finale smosh I menaged 2 beet it. But there were 2 maney. And non of my allys cold us there finale smashs withot a smash bull.

**Imagi: (Bursts in riding a bull that's looks like it's taken all the rage drugs.)**

**Me: WHY DO I LET YOU LIVE HERE?!**

I new it wold tak lik forevar 2 beet tham all unlas their was a marakal. Lukely God is relly gud at thos. Suddanly a hole buncha smash bills apared and all of my allys startad hetting tham until they braked. Since everone had fetal smashs they cold fit the demins 2. And God mad them kep aparing wenevar they runned ot so evarone cold always us theres ovar and ovar agen. Son we bet enuf demans 2 get to The Room were Lank was kapt wen the bad guys capturd him. But the poletishans werent ther!

**Link: Sorry Sara, your politicians are in another castle! **

**Lucina: We had to.**

"Ono were r they" I sed "Samas u wer evul until just a bit ago do u no wer they r" "No sorry" Samas sed "I was in the Manshan wen they wer captared. I dont no were they r." "I no wer they r!" I herd. "Who sed that?" I sed.

**Me: Probably plot convenience. Or God, but you could probably swap them out at this point...**

"Noone sed anythen Sara" Marth sed. "Its me Evul Clon Sara but im not evul anymor. Im still in ur mined" I herd. I gess I forgat that Evul Clon Sara was stil in my hed becuz she was exectly lik me in evary way no so her thots wer lik min al the tim.

**Narrator: Or you grew a tumor. I'm gonna bet on the latter.**

"Were r they" I sed. "Who r u telkin 2" Lauren sed. "Its Evul Clon Sara. Shes still in my hed but shes not evul anemore becuz of the gayness cur that Tiffany med" I sed "I gess I shuld call her Gud Clon Sara now."

**Lucina: She... does want revenge for this Sara hunting her down even though she didn't do anything, making her good in the first place, and original Sara the bad guy...**

**Me: Yes, but she goes along with it because she's now Sara's prisoner.**

**Link: We have now made a Shyamalan movie...**

So Gud Clon Sara telled me wer the polateshuns wer and we want 2 fine tham. We excepted 2 fit Saten and Brek Obaba and Mikel Jaxon but we didant c tham anewere. Wen we got 2 the rom with Mit Ramni and Pol Rian and Jan Boner they wer all haven gay sax! This wod have ben a biger deel if we didant except this and bring the cur. We just injacted tham and they retuned 2 normel. "Thanks 4 saven us" Mut Romnoy sed. "Ya we wer rapped in2 been gay and wer goin 2 spy 4 the demacrit party but u curred us jus in tim" Pal Reyn sid. "Now we can retune 2 wasintan and stap Brak Obomeh frum destructing Amerka and enslaven all the wite pepole" Jin Boner sed.

**Me: THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF STEALING THE PLANS?!**

"Cool do u no wer they want" I sed. "Satin and Obsama and Mikel Jaxin climed in2 ther tim masheen and want back in tim 2 the cival war" Mit Ramboy sed.

**Lucina: When did... Never mind.**

So the poletishans laft. I new we had 2 go bak and stap the villens ons and 4 all!

**Link: YES! Go you horrible, horrible person who'll probably use the time machine for her own purposes...**

* * *

**EVERYONE READY?!**

**All: YES!**

**Imagi: Where's X? And who's that? (Gestures to SSBB Forever.)**

**X's representative. **

**SSBB: (Clutches frying pan tighter.) Got a problem with it?**

**Imagi: No...**

* * *

Sara: COM OT LIBROS!

Author: Right here lady!

(Sara looks up to see them.)

Link: Does she count as a lady?

Imagi: I prefer abomination of mankind!

SSBB: CAN WE GET ON WITH IT?!

Imagi: Um, we are in the m-

Sara: *Force Lightning.*

Imagi: ABOMINATION. (Deflects with sycthe.) WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF PLAYFUL PRE-FIGHT BANTER. YOU DON'T INTERRUPT US YOU JERK! ATTACK!

Author: But that's my thing. Oh well...

Sara: (Gets DESTROYED by a fury of arrows, shotgun shells, bullets, and the like, before getting mashed in by sword, sledgehammer, scythe, and of course, frying pan strikes.)

Wendell: (Sets the remains on fire before taking a nap.)

**WE'VE REACHED 2,000 VIEWS! MARIACHI BAND PARTY!**

**(Random Mariachi Band.)**

**Narrator: AND BALLOONS!**

**(BALLOONS!)  
**

**Wendell: AND A BALL PIT!  
**

**(Ball pit.)  
**

**Wendell: YAY!**


	30. Illuminati bulls---!

**Are BOTH of them gone?**

**Lucina: Yes.**

**Imagi: Damn we need some better security...**

* * *

Its onely 2 days until Laurens birthday. Im so excite! Alos ill be stayen at her hose 4 the antire weekand. Thats alweys relly fun. I cant wate onley 1 mor day of schule!

**Imagi: We have nothing to say here, so here's a dancing pickle.**

***No pickle.***

**Imagi: Damn it!**

CHAP 30: THE SECRETE TIMLIN

**Lucina: now it sounds like we're in some Illuminati s***.**

* * *

Aftar hering that the villens want bak in tim 2 the war of nothan agreson

**Me: What the... Narrator: Civil War. Me: Oh.**

we retuned 2 the Manshan 2 figur ot ho 2 fine tham 2 defet them ons and 4 al. We coldnt us there tim masheen becuz it cum form Saten so it was prolly evul and stuf. And we didnt hav r on tim masheen. So we wer stuk in the presant. "Wat shuld we do Sara" Marht sed. "I dont no I gess we shuld prey 2 God 4 advise" I sid. So we did. Than God walked in2 the Manshan.

**Narrator: Does he just hang out with Master Hand and do god things? I mean, come on!**

"U want 2 go bak in tim 2 defet Satin and Berk Abomo and Mikel Jaxun?" God sed. "Yes" I sed. "Ok Ill giv u a tim masheen" he sed "but first I ned 2 tell u sumthins."

**Me: I rgret picking you. Then he disentigrates her!**

"Wat God?" I sad. "I wasnt complately honest abot why I sant u to the Smash Manshun. I wanted u 2 defet Stan 2 kep him from doen evul thins in this uneverse I sed. But theres mor than thet."

**Imagi: Oh my God ! A random revealance!**

"Wat?" Lauren sed. "This isnt the reel timlin" God sed "al of the mammaries in ur lif r fake. Barak Obams alredy want bak in tim and chaned the passed with a tim masheen he got buy maken a deel with Saten."

**Lucina: And this wasn't important because...**

"Wat reely hapaned?" I sed.

**Me: Oh crap! (Hits a red button.) BULLS*** ALERT! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!**

**Wendell: I'LL START MAKING A PILLOW FORT!**

"Oreganally the Soth wan the cival war butthen Barek Omaba went bak in tim 2 chang it so hed be presadent instad of a slav" God sed. "So Obomas 2 blam 4 all the carpatbagers in reconstitution ear and the fact that the soth has 2 lissen 2 yanky libruls in the presant" I sed.

**Lucina: Wait... She WANTED the South to win?!**

"Thats rite" God sed. "We ned 2 go bak 2 chang the timlin back 2 nromel so tjhat the soth can ris agen!" I sed. "Thats why I relly sant u 2 the Nentendo wrold so that u cold fined al thes ot" God sid.

**Imagi: Again, this wasn't mentioned... why?**

I wuz so mad this was low evan 4 Obamuh. The soth was saposed 2 win the war of nortern agresion but they didnt and it was all Obamehs falt! I new I hed 2 go bak in tim and chang this.

**Lucina: WHY IS THAT A GOOD THING?!**

"We ned 2 go bak in tim an chna thes!" I sed. "I agree" Lauren sed. "ok" Mark sid. All the Smashers agred 2. "Ok I ned 2 mak u a tim masheen" so god snaped his figars and a tim masheen apeared that was big enuf 2 fit everon insid. I het the baton that mad us go bak 2 the cival war. Than wen I got ot of the masheen and luked arond it werked! We wer in the midal of a confadarat armey camp. Suddanly a old guy walked up wering a gray unefrom I alredy new who he was but he introdused himsalf aneway.

**Narrator: oh hell no...**

"Hi miss Im Genital Robarty Li" He sed "and im the leder of the confedarat armey duren the war of northarn egression."

**All: SON OF A B****!**

* * *

**NO MORE SCHOOL! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Intensity intensifies!)**

**Imagi: NOW, TO BE LAZY!**


	31. WHY DOES IT WORK!

**We have nothing to say here, just enjoy our commentary and feel pleased with yourself!**

* * *

2moro is Laurens birtday so their wel be a speshul treet 4 u pepole. Lauren wrot a chaptat of this storey and ill put it her. Laurens chaptar taks plase duren this on so the excitin clifhangar that this chap endz on wont be resalvd intil sonday. Im sad 2 say that thes storey is almost ovar.

**Me: SOMBRAROS!**

**Imagi: ICE CREAM!**

**Narrator: MUSIC!**

**Lucina: POOLS!**

**All: LET'S CELEBRATE!**

Chaptar 35 is gonna be the last chap. So stay tund 4 the epac concussion! My fanes will hav 2 fined sumthin eels to reed aftar that I rekamend the Bibal and Atlus Shagged both of thos boks r as gud and wel-writan as this storey an sois Twilit so maybe u can red that 2.

**Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! I'M SORRY, SHE'S JUST SO F***ING DUMB!**

CHAP 31: TEH WAR OFF NORTON REGRESSION

**Lucina: WE KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE INVITED NORTON!**

* * *

"So im of 2 fite the battal of geticeberg" Genital Li sed "who wans 2 cum with me" "I do" I sed.

"Sorry but no womans alod in the miltry yet" Genital Li sid. I forgat abot that. All of the smashers who wer duds war alod 2 joyn the confaderat army and so cold Samas becuz she was wering her armoire so noone cold tel she was a women.

**Imagi: Wait, no one questioned that. WHAT HAPPENED TO WITCH BURNING?**

**Wendell: That was about 200 years prior to the Civil War idiot.**

**Imagi: I knew that. **

**Narrator: Right...**

But Lauren and Me and Zalda and Patch and Jigalopuff and the gurl Ike Climer werent alod in the miltray. Nomely that wode be gud becuz a womans plas is at hom not at the battalfeld but I neded 2 be the on 2 defet Satin and Oboema and Mikhail Jaxun. So Me and Lauren and the otter gurls waked away and came back wering fak moosetouches.

**Lucina: That seriously couldn't-**

"Hi who r yall" Genital Li saif.

**Lucina: (TABLE FLIP!) **

"We r manely mans and we want 2 jon ur armey" I sed. "Wats ur nam" Genital Li siad. "Sara" I sed. "Bit Saras a gurl nam" Genital Li sod. "Yea but this is a difrant tim I men theres a dud namd ashley in gong of the win so wy cant their be a dud namd Sara" I sed.

**Me: But that's a good book/movie. This is nothing like that.**

"I c ur pint" Genital Li sed "but im stil nut convansed I men u lok lik a buncha gurls in fak mostuches. Their neds 2 be a taste. Wy dont u nam al the NFL teems." I new sum of the NFL teems but not al of tham soi got ot my ifone and loked it up.

**Imagi: WHY THE HELL DOESN'T HE SEE THAT THING, AND FOR THAT MATTER, HOW THE HELL IS IT WORKING? AND WHY DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THE NFL? MY BRAIN HURTS! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!**

I tolled the nams 2 Genital Li.

"Thats rite and the ifone hasnt ben invanted yet soi dont no wat that is ur holden.

**Me: But- F*** IT! I DON'T EVEN WANNA TRY! WHAT OTHER BULLS*** DO YOU HAVE TO CRAM DOWN OUR EYE SOCKETS?!**

R fones can onely cal pepole and sand taxt massages and picturs u cant go onlin on tham. Alos the onely intranet we hav is dallup lik at ur grandmas hose so I dont thank its possabal 2 get the info onlin that fasst" Genital Li sad.

**Me: *Points shotgun to head.* **

"Ur faseboks must tak 4evar 2 lode" I sed. "Fasebok hasnt ben invanted yet ether we stil us myspas in this tim. It taks evan lunger tho becuz everon has musac on ther profils tho" Genital Li sid. "Do u hav Taylar Swuft on ur profel" I sed.

Genital Li shuck his hed and sad "she hasnt ben borne yet. Mos of us lissen 2 Willy Nalson and Meral Hagerd and Charly Danels and Jony Cahs."

**Wendell: I think he just died a bit more...**

**Me: Mmh...**

"There al gu buncha old guys" I sed. "Ok enuf talken we ned 2 get 2 geticeberg 2 fit the yankys" Genital Li sad. So we al stated marchin. We marthed 4 a few dais (this is the patr that Laurens chaptar taks plas duren) b4 we runned into sum1.

"Prepair 2 dye sothern skum!" We herd. We loked arond an sawed GENITAL USELESS GRUNT

**Narrator: But was he the Goomba, or the Koopa? That is the question.**

AND THE ANTIRE YANKY ARMEY! The battal of getyzbirg was abot 2 began! Expect this tim I had 2 halp the Soth win in order 2 win the war lik there suposed 2.

**Lucina: STILL BULLS***!**

**Imagi: RIGHT!**

**Me: EXACTLY!**

* * *

**Well, you heard her. In about four chapters, this piece of s*** ends. So, on chapter thirty-six, we have the last kill.**

**Imagi: I'LL GET THE CHAINSAW HIPPOS!**


	32. ANGEL FROM HEAVEN!

**Lucina: I'm bored...**

**Imagi: *Pops out of nowhere.* BORED? **

**Lucina: Oh f-**

**Imagi: PARTY CANNON... SAMBA BARRAGE!**

* * *

Hi! Lauren here!

**Me: Hi!**

This is my chapter of my BFF Sara's fanfic. I decided to post this before anyone gets here for my party (except for Sara, who stayed the night). I have never written fanfiction before, so I don't know if this will be good or not. I asked to write this chapter because I want to tell y'all about the real Sara. The Sara I know, the Sara when we're alone together, is a kind, beautiful girl.

Also, Sara wants me to remind y'all that we're NOT a lesbian couple ;).

**Imagi: What did she pay you, because I... (Pulls out a briefcase full of Hot Pockets.) Will pay in double.**

**Lucina: *Facepalm.***

Also, that was just a semicolon and a parentheses. Pay no attention to the wink that it wasn't. I just like to put random punctuation at the end of my sentences sometimes. Yeah. Look, here's a hashtag and one of those "and" things that I forget the name of: #&amp;.

**All: *Slow clap, followed by loud applause.* **

**Me: You beautiful angel. How could God let a fate such as your's befall you?**

**Wendell: Also, it's a ampersand.**

**Narrator: HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS?!**

Now, here is my chapter. It's set the night before the end of the last chapter. I'll leave the battle with the Northerners to Sara herself. Also, it's from my point-of-view instead of Sara's.

Hi, It's Lauren again, coming to edit this chapter I wrote over a year and a half ago. Sara got her account back from when I got in last time to put an end to her Attack on Titan story... and immediately changed the password back to what it was before, and said that she did that in the first chapter of her new story.

**Lucina: My God. HOW DO HAVE YOU LIVED WITH HER?!**

**Imagi: She's pretty good at doing the nasty. *Grins.***

I'd change the password and lock her out again, but that would just lead to her bothering me more. I'm sorry for selfishly allowing Sara to write more of her new story just so that I don't have to deal with her in real life. I can say I'm really embarrassed by this chapter. I just want to tell you to ignore everything good I say about Sara in here. She is a horrible person.

**Me: Kinda knew that one but continue.**

I was blinded by love when I wrote this (Yes, we were dating when Sara wrote this. Sara and I are lesbians, even though Sara still denies it. But if you got this far in the story, I'm sure you figured that out already. We broke up about six months or so after this story ended).

***We are the Champions by Queen plays.***

If any of the people doing commentaries on this story are reading this (both the written commentaries all over the internet and the dramatic readings on Youtube), you are awesome.

**Me: Aw, thanks!**

And be sure to have barf bags at the ready so you have something to puke into when you read this chapter.

**Imagi: *Readies Potato Sack.***

I know I need one. And, Sara, calling me dumb and making fun of my new girlfriend's nose is not going to get me back. Deal with it. It's August 30, 2014 at about 9:45 PM in my time zone, so just compare that to what time it is when you're reading it and you'll know how long my edit has been here without Sara noticing.

**Me: HOLY S***! IT IS MAY 30TH, 2015 RIGHT NOW!**

**Wendell: That would be a total of about nine months people. Geez.**

CHAPTER 32: THE BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP

**Lucina: I see what you meant Angel from Heaven.**

* * *

I waited inside our tent for Sara to arrive, for the stench of sweaty men with 1860s bathing standards that wafted over the encampment to be gone, replaced by Sara's sweet aroma of a summer's day in a field of flowers.

**Imagi: BLAGH!**

**Wendell: OH SWEET BUNNY CARROT IN THE SKY IT'S EVERYWHERE!**

As she entered, I looked up, and I got lost in her azure orbs as I have many times before. Her long, golden locks flowed down her back in waves, like a field in the fall ready for harvest.

**Me: You know, if I was an idiot, this would probably be the final nail in the coffin.**

She smiled at me, which was like spring coming to her face, though it revealed teeth as white and perfect as a winter's snow. She was the best of all four seasons in one very beautiful girl.

**Narrator: Yes, espescially for spring, as she was dumb as a deer. **

She sat down next to me and we held each others hands. I loved to feel the softness of her skin the color of porcelain that reminded me of the elegance of the vampires in Twilight. (One more added note for Past-Me: Twilight sucks, watch Hunger Games instead. Or wait until Guardians of the Galaxy comes out. That's a great movie)

**Me: I WILL FIND YOU AND SHOWER YOU WITH RICHES FOR THAT ONE. WHOOOOOOOO!**

My skin was darker than hers. To the untrained eye, it appeared that I merely had a tan. However, it actually revealed the truth of my ancestry. My biological father, who died in a car crash when I was just one year old, was half-black. It was common knowledge that the man that my mother was married to was actually my stepfather and that my real father was dead, but my real father's race was known only to a select few people in our hometown in South Carolina. If Sara's parents or older brother knew that I was one quarter African-American, they would never allow Sara and myself to associate with one another. Sara's mother would not even allow my mother into their Bible study if they knew that her childrens' father was half-black.

**Lucina: So... a typical Suburban Mom?**

**Imagi: OH S*** SHE WENT THERE!**

Sara knew the truth, however, and our very close friendship continued to thrive despite it. I new that Sara's occasional seemingly racist statements were nothing but a desperate attempt to earn the love and respect of her parents, not a reflection of her own deeply-held beliefs.

***BEEP BEEP BEEP!***

**Me: Crap, forgot to turn off the bulls*** radar for this one.**

"I know I should probably be spending some time with Marth, but..." Sara whispered to me. "You don't love him, do you?" I got close to her face to whisper back, getting lost in her pleasing olfactory sensation.

**Imagi: Okayyyy... Bit too much there.**

She shook her head. Her beautiful smile went back into hiding. "I didn't really love Link or Cloud either. You know that. I mean, Link and Cloud are both legendary heroes with a lot of battle experience and Marth is a fricking PRINCE. I figure if I bring a guy like that home..." Sara stated. "It's your parents, isn't it?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

"It's just that... I want them to remember they have a daughter, not just a house pet who they have to give money to sometimes. It's always 'Josh this' and 'Josh that' with them. 'Josh made the varsity football team as a freshman!' 'Josh caught a pick-six to defeat our school's rival and take our team to the playoffs!' 'Josh is dating the Homecoming Queen!' 'Josh got a scholarship to some random Division III school that's TOTALLY going to lead to him becoming the Great White Hope of the NFL, and South Carolina and Alabama and Michigan and all those other schools that turned him down are going to be sorry!' I just want them to say something like 'Sara is dating the Prince of Altea'," Sara spoke.

**Wendell: Well, someone has a sibling complex.**

"If you want to know the truth, I don't really love Ike either. I'm only dating him to give us an excuse for all those double dates. To spend more time with you," I admitted. Plus, I was pretty certain that Ike was gay for that Soren guy from his game, but I left that part out. "I know," Sara nodded. We talked together for what seemed like just a few more minutes, but was really several hours. When I got out my phone to check the time, I was shocked. "According to what I learned in history class, the Battle of Gettysburg is supposed to start tomorrow... er, today since it's after midnight," I stated frantically, "we should really get some sleep." I wondered if the influence of time travelers again was going to change anything, like making Ulysses Grant the commander of the Yankee forces here instead of George Meade.

**Me: Too much. Just, too much...**

I decided not to dwell on it though. "Good night, Lauren," Sara said. I kissed her on the forehead. "Good night, Sara," I said. We both laid down to sleep.

* * *

**Me: I AM HAPPY NOW!**

**Wendell: YAY!**


	33. Civil war bulls--- part 1!

**Back to true torture...**

* * *

Im back pepole and reddy 2 writ the fenal 3 chaptars of this storey.

***We are the Cham-***

**Me: NO!**

Tahnks 2 Lauren 4 writen the last chaptar (I dont no why everone thinks ther was sumthin lesban abot it ur relly reechen 2 try to mak me a lesban 4 ur sik pervart fantesys). U r so smart Lauren u shod be an auther sumday. Luv ya gurl (as a frend were not lesbans)!

**Me: Bulls***...**

**Imagi: Bull**_**s***...**_

**Narrator: Bull****s*******...**

**Lucina: Bull**_**s*****__**...**_

**Wendell: **_**Bulls***...**_

**All: **_**BULLS***!**_

CHAP 33: THE FANIL BATTOL PART 1 THE BATTAL OF GETZBARG

* * *

"MWAHAHA WELL DEFET U SOTHARN SKUM AND END UR STAT RITES IN THE NAM OF SATIN!" Grint sed.

**Me: I... No. Just, think of yourself killing her... It's only three more chapters...**

"No u wont" Genital Li sad. Butthan Grunt fird lighting at Gentle Li. Than he paled ot a litsabur.

**Me: WHAT THE F***! *DESKFLIP!***

"Beet u wernt excepting this!" he sed "Derek Obaba tot me 2 be a Seth Lard the firts tim he want bak in tim!"

**Lucina: ALright, this is completely inaccurate, but... It is kinda awesome.**

**Imagi: You know what? I know you're playing me, but you're totally right.**

I new that Genital Li was no mach 4 a Seth rite now so I throed him my litsaver. "Catch" I sed.

**Narrator: Supposed to say that before you-**

***Startrooper scream.***

**Narrator: Yeah...**

"ok" so Genital Li cot my lifesaver and actived it. Than their was a litsabur dool betwine the 2 of tham but I had 2 fit othar yanky solders. Me and Lauren and the Smashers and the Confadaret solders were all buzy with the battal. I puled ot my dads shitgun and shat a buncha yankys and they ded. But their wer so maney of tham. Their wer moar cumin every secant!

**Wendell: Narrator, no.**

**Narrator: Awww...**

"how do tehy hav so maney solders!" I sed. Than I relized sumthin. Maney of the yanky solders wer reely demans disgusted as pepole! They didnt dye frum my shitgun so I hed 2 active my finale smush. The ones who reely wer humens ded pritty esly frum my finale smash but the denims tok lunger. It was a reely lon battal but it quakly becam cleer that the soth was gon 2 win. I saw Genital Li jam pup and driv my litsaber thro Useless Grunts hart.

**Me: FATALITY!**

"I surrandar!" Gront sed as jhe dyed. I puled ot a fefty dolar boll frum nye wallot and saw Useless Grunts fase vanash frum it and be replac by Genital Robarty Lis.

**Imagi: WHO THE F*** HAS THAT KIND OF POCKEY MONEY?! I DON'T, AND I USED TO STEAL FOR A LIVING!**

The rast of the yankys runed away becuz they new they wer defet. "Loks lik we wine the war" Genital Li sed. "NUT SO FASST!" I loked around and I sawed Barok Obana and Mikhal Jaxan and with tham was

Abrohim Linkin!

**Me: I'm going to throw her in a volcano. Then I'm gonna nuke it. I will fing the remains, go back in time, and leave them to the velociraptors.**

"U well nevar stap us" Linkin sad. "I alweys wondared how u cold be such an evul jerk and a tirant diktater if ur a Republeken" I sed.

**Narrator: HE WASN"T YOU STUPID B****!**

"Ha! Im relly a librul I onely pretanded 2 be a Republeken so that conservatevs wod loose in the Soth!" Linkin siad "and u cant defet me Sara!" "I well defet u and restor the reel timlin!"

**All: *Flips the bird.***

"Ha!" Linkin sed "no u wont"

**Wendell: Please?**

"Yes she will!" Lauren sed. "I beleve in u Sara!" Genital Li sed. "U can doit!" Mark sed. "Yea!" Icke sed. "Kick Linkins butte Sara!" Link sid. "Uv cum 2 far 2 fale no!" Clod sed. "U can sav the wrold!" Snack sad. "Its alup 2 u!" Samas sed. "Weve sen u do so much in such a sort tim!" Master Chef sed. "Yea. We no u can won this fit!" Peech sed. The rast of the Smashers sad gud thins 2 encorge me 2. I felt much beeter.

**Wendell: Hand me the potato sack...**

"O lok at that u think u can beet me. Its tim u new the trooth!" Suddanly Linkin puled of his mask the reveled that he was riley STAN THE HOLE TIM!

**All: HAIL STAN!**

* * *

**Well, this is it. I wonder if I should do the sequel...**


	34. Civil war bulls--- part 2!

**READ!**

I cant beleve that thes is alreedy the secant lust chaptar! Will Sara beet Saten and sav the wrold or wil evul win and al that bad stuf? Ur abot to fine ot! Than stey tooned 2moro 4 the epac concussion 2 this epac storey!

**Me: OH DEAR GOD PLEASE.**

CHAP 34: THE FENAL BATTOL PART 2 SARA VERSES STAN

**Lucina: GO STAN!**

Satin ponted his patchferk at me and tred to stag me to deth but I dogged it and panched him in the fake. Than I tred 2 panch him agen but he knacked my fis asid with his hors.

**Imagi: USE THE DAMN PTICHFORK A**HAT!**

Meenwile Lauren was fitting Brak Obema and Marth wos fitting Mikal Jaxun and everone eels was fitting sum demans that Satin brot withim so noone was abal 2 halp me. I was al alon in my fite with Saten.

**Narrator: Stop. We already know you'll win. THis is not the good version of that either, where you WANT them to win. No, we want you to LOSE!**

Suddanly Saten started gloing lik he had smashed a smesh ball. Than I relized that he cold use his finale smosh withot on jus lik me! His fenal smash cussed him 2 opan a porthole 2 Hell in the groind that I almos felled in2.

**Wendell: Aw, no Sparta joke...**

Than a buncha demans cam ot of it and I hed 2 fite tham at the sam tim as Stan! I new I hed to activat my on finale smash. So I menage 2 killed all the denims but Satin himslef survivde the finale smash becuz he was the most powarfel villen evar.

**Me: NAWH. BECAUSE HIM BEING THE REASON SIN EXISTS WASN'T MAKING IT CLEAR ENOUGH.**

"Sara cache!" Genital Li throed my litsaber bak 2 me. I drew it and strated fitting Saten with it. He alos throed Grunts litsabur so I dool-welded tham 1 in eech han. Satin tred 2 stab me with his patchforc agen but I slised it in haf!

**Imagi: BULLS***! HE... f***...**

"Ono" Saten sed. "Giv up Satin! U no evul wil nevar win!" I sid. "NEVAR!" Stan sade. He leaped at me butt I dogged and I useed my 2 litsaburs 2 chap Satins hed of!

**Lucina: NOOOOOOOOOOO, STAN! WHY?!**

"NO!" Brak Obamug sed. He runned ovar and tred to reviv Satin with CPR but it was fortanetly 2 lat. Satin was ded!

**Narrator: Not how it works dumba**.**

"Yay!" I sed. Evaryon began celibating the victary in the battol and Brock Obomo and Mikal Jaxan had 2 rune away. Suddanly evrythin stated been in slo moshun and everythin begun 2 fad to wite. Lauren runned ovar 2 me.

**Wendell: OH NO. THE LATER MATRIX MOVIES ARE ATTACKING! RUN!**

"We ded it!" she sad. But than she was gon 2. I was al alon in a wite rome. Than God wanked up.

**Me: NO! THE ONLY SAVING GRACE OF THIS MOVIE!**

"Well dun Sara!" God sed "u killed Satin ons and feral! No the wrold is sav aand theris no mor evul!"

**Imagi: Except for murder, rape, arson, vandalism-**

**Lucina: STOP!**

"And is the timloin bak 2 nomel?" I sed. "Yes" God sed

**All: NO!**

"withot Satins leedership that nords wer no mach for the sooth. And everone eels is saf." "Wat abot Lauren" I sed. I was kinda worred that she mite be a slav in the new timlin.

**Wendell: Hasn't stopped you yet.**

"Shes saf 2. And shes not a slav shell tell u mor wen u wake up in the fuxed timlin" God sed. Suddanly God walked away agen and evrythin stated to fad agen. My mishon was finally ovar and the evul was defeet. No it was tim 2 c the wrold I had repared form the damag that Osbama cassed 2 it. I closde my eyes and git reedy 2 opan tham agen.

**Me: Hah...**

**All: **_**Only one more chapter, than it's all over...**_


	35. WE BROKE THE FUCKING CENSOR!

**THIS IS IT CHILDREN!**

**ALL: YESH!**

* * *

I cant beleve that aftar almos sex weaks of writen im fenally dun with my storey!

**Imagi: Lauren was defininetly the thing holding your 'relationship' together...**

Id lik 2 tahnk everone who sad gud thins both on and on . Its tim 4 u to get the rewad 4 ur reeding: the and of the storey whichis prolly the beast endin evar. I thank this storey well godon in histary lik the Bibal and Atlus Shagged and Twilit as on of the best boks evar writen expect this on isnt a bok its on the intranet.

**Me: HOW DARE THEE! YOU ************************************************************************************************************************************************FUCKINGSHITWEASELASSHOLEPIECEOFSHITMOTHERFUCKING-**

**Imagi: Holy crap you broke the fucking censor machine!**

**Lucina: FUCK YES!**

On day ill be the presadent and thes storey well be in my mooseum and ill mak everone in my adminstraton red it so theyll no my valus.

**Narrator: No. May this never happen, for the USA will then completely die...**

**Wendell: AND YOUR VALUES SUCK!**

CHAP 35: THE GRADN CONCUSSION

**Me: I'LL GIVE YOU A FUCKING CONCUSSION WITH MY SLEDGEHAMMER BITCH!**

I waked up in a fansy bad in a fnasy rom that loked lik a rome in an old platashon hose. I got outta bad and saw that I was wering a relly pritty fansy dres lik wat womens werd in the passed tims of the war of norton agresion. I loked arond and sawed that Lauren was in bad with me.

**Imagi: IT FINALLY HAPPENED BITCHES!**

She was wering a fansy dres 2 and she loked relly pritty init. "Lauren wake up do u remamber everthin" I sed. "Yea" she sid "loks lik we chaned tim. Hopfully that dosent men ima slav now." "God sade u werent and he cant be ron.

**Lucina: And yet assholes like you are alive...**

Evan if he sad u wer u wode be my slav and id jus free u rite away" I sade.

**Narrator: WHO THE FUCKING HELL SAID YOU GOT HER AT ALL?!**

"Thanks" Lauren sed "o I remamber no in thes timlin my reel dads mastar fred him than he marred my moter and hes alos stell aliv now." "Tahts cool" I sed.

**Wendell: Pretty sure that's NOT what is to be said in that situation...**

So Lauren and Me waked ovar 2 the widow and loked outsid. We saw Bareck Obema and Mikhal Jaxun picken coton in the felds of my platashon. Mr Jonson and Becky wer my slavs 2 evan tho their wite (c is that rasest?)

**Me: YES YOU DUMB BITCH!**

Becky wasnt as fat becuz she had 2 do hard werk al thje tim but she was stil uglay.

**Imagi: FOOL, IS SHE A MIRROR OR SOME SHIT?!**

"Mak sur 2 wipe thos 4 alot" I tolled the overseers who were Mart and Clod and Limk! In thes timlin they lived in thes uneverse insted off vido gams.

**Lucina: I can feel Miyamoto having a heart attack...**

Me and Lauren went donstars 2 the foyur of my planteshun manshon becuz there was a nok on the dore. I opaned the dor and their was Sarah Palen!

**Narrator: THIS IS NOT FUCKING HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!**

"Hi Sara!" she sad. "Hi Sarah!" I sed.

**Narrator: IT FUCKING IS!**

"Is Juston reedy 2 go2 Rihcmand yet?" Sarah Palan sid "we dont wanna be lat 4 r inebriation!"

**Wendell: Juston? Who's that, your drinking buddy?**

"What do u men?" I sed. "Dont u remamber I wan the electron so im gonna be swarn in as presadant of the Confedrat Stats of Amurka and ur husband is my vise presadent" Sarah Pelan sed.

**All: HOW MUCH HAS CHANGED?!**

Suddenly Juston Beebur waked don frum anotter part of upstars.

**Me: *Cocks shotgun.* FUCK NO BITCH!**

**Imagi: Bieber or Abomination?**

"Sorry I jus waked up" he sad "Im reedy tho." He walk up 2 me. "U lok grate hunny" he kised me on the check (c how cani be a lesban if I hav a hubsand?).

**Lucina: Covert operation bullshit.**

Than suddanly I got bak sum mammaries frum the reel timlin b4 Oboma chaned it. Sarah Palen wan the 2012 Confedrat elecshan and Juston Beebur was her vise presadent. Also he was my hubbard.

**Narrator: SOMEONE DUST THIS BITCH ALREADY!**

"Hurry up we cant be lat 4 the inebriation!" Sarah Palon sed "Todds alredy wating in the car." So Sarah Palen and Juston Beebur waked ot to the car I stayed a few secants with Lauren.

**Wendell: Kiss... Come on, make this somewhat worthwhile...**

"Gud lok in Richmun" Lauren sed. "Do u reely thank ill leve withot u. Cum on!" I sed. Lauren tok my han and I led her 2 the car. I got reedy 4 my new lif as the wif of the vise presadent.

**All: WE ARE GOING TO END IT YOU BITCH!**

THE AND

* * *

**CALLING THE TROOPS, WE GOT A BITCH TO KILL.**

**Imagi: RIGHT!**


	36. Fin

**Here it is. The final chapter...**

* * *

Sara: I cant wai to go to your inebreation!

King: Yeah... No.

Sara: *Turns around to see King sitting cross-legged on the ground.* YU!

King: Da. But, not just me. Them too.

Link: **Hello.**

Samus:** Lovely weather to murder your sorry ass.**

Sara: Lonk? Butt... Your mi ovesear!

Link: **HA! Please...**

Samus: **Now. I'll start at the legs, and you start at the head...**

Sara: But... I WON!

King: *Stands up and tips hat down.* Yeah, no. See, we came here to kick your ass, and then, we set the timeline back to the way it was. *Levels shotgun at Sara's chest.* NOW! *Fires.*

Samus and Link: *Do things too bloody and violent for a T-rating...*

King: Oh, one more thing! *Headshots Justin Bieber.* Now for X to do her part...

* * *

X: *jumps out of a portal and lands in between the two armies* HI PEOPLES! *waves to everyone eagerly*

Soldiers: O8 *all raise guns at X*

X: Hey, go point those things at somebody else! Hey, FYI Union guys, I'm on your side!

Sara: Shst up! Teh Sooth is suposid to wan the Civall Wer, not thr Nrth! Satan chinged the timline so tehy wold wen, bit itss WRUNG!

*BOOM!*

Everyone else: *On Wendell.*

Imagi: Hello Abomination!

X: ...Eh, yeah...I REALLY hate you, and the South should NEVER have one the Civil War, no matter what you believe. I should kill you right now, but I'M not gonna be the one to do that! *backs up* Because I brought somebody who wants to..."violently discuss" you trying to mess up history...OH, DIALGA!

*another portal suddenly opens as Dialga emerges from it, landing in front of Sara*

Lucina: ... When did this happen and how is this happening.

Dialga: **HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CHANGE THE RIGHTFUL COURSE OF HISTORY! THOSE WHO BRING RUIN TO TIME SHALL BURN BENEATH MY WRATH!** *Uses Roar of Time.*

*And Sara was destroyed in the FINEST WAYS THIS SIDE OF F***ING SUNDAY!*

X: Well, our work here is done! Bye, everyone, enjoy yourselves! *goes back into the portal, then closes it*

Narrator: Bye! *Everyone follows.*

Dialga: ...*uses powers to erase the memories of the soldiers, making them forget about Sara, X, and everything else they just saw before returning to his own portal.

~BACK HOME...~

X: Hey, guys, it worked! Sara's dead now!

King: As of right now. Never trust a Sue with death...

X: Meh. Now, WHO WANTS TO WATCH GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY WHILE EATING PIZZA, POPCORN, AND EVERYTHING WE CAN GET OUR HANDS ON!?

Imagi: YES!

* * *

**Who knows, maybe I'll do that damn sequel she made...**


End file.
